Heart Space #50: Here I am.

Been a while since I blogged.

So I am here, and yes, in Bahamas. But the good thing is that I have my entire family with me.

I am so busy with work, so that is why I have no time to blog anything about the move. In short, we had bought 2 new luggage, paid 300 SGD at Singapore, and 100 USD at JFK. We bunked into Hilton in Bahamas for 2 nights before finally moving into the same old apartment that I stayed in previously. One luggage handle broke due to the extreme weight. Well, given that, we packed tins of milk, and bottles of chicken essence for Belle. We did pack for 4 months minimum, so there's a certain amount we had to bring. We did leave behind quite a bit of the stuff we wanted to bring.

Anyway, HQ sent an Executive Consultant to help me out for 1 month, which proved to be a lifesaver.

The Lunar Chinese New Year celebration wasn't much to be excited about, but the dinner with the ITU users are more fun. Everyone loved the fried Singapore noodles that I cooked, and the spicy chilli braised chicken that Belle had cooked.

We have found a ballet school for Faith, for an hour every Saturday, and will continue to find a preschool for her to enjoy daily. She has been toilet trained herself. We bought a potty, and now she will go to it herself whenever she needs to relieve herself. Sometimes, she would forget that she is wearing diapers and be very panicky about looking for a potty and taking off whatever she is wearing. Funny.

Other than that, the other sad thing is that we failed the January cycle to try for a baby. :( I guess it wasn't ready for us.This made us very sad, and at the same time, made us realized that having a baby is no easy task and we are fortunate to have Faith as our daughter.

Last night, while I was showering Faith in the tub, since she was asking about Brighton school. I asked her if she wants to go back Singapore so that she can go school. She said yes. When I added that if she goes back, I will not be able to play with her in Singapore. Then she changed her stand to stay here in Bahamas. She, at such a young age, already know what is sacrificing... which warms and hurts me at the same time. :(

Heart Space #49: Guiding Principles


This should be the last post with regards to the mind bogging question that has been lingering on my mind for so long. I think to start with, one decision must always be based trying to achieve the best outcome. However, the definition of 'best' itself, is up to million ways of interpretation. I shall define how I see it. A best outcome is where it is a fair compromise on all stakeholders and yet meet the intended objectives. It's never possible for a complete win-win situation, someone else must lose out.

So this is what is fair.
1. Minimal disruption to Faith school
2. Letting the wife do whatever she wants or decided
3. Best situation for any unforeseen circumstances that may develop over the coming months.
4. I am still 'allowed' to take the B job if I want.

So these parameters constrict the options left. It's either take B job with limited visits & lengthy time away; or
immediately seek alternatives for a local job. The choice is clear.

Not the best 'feel' about the choice though... but it has to be done.

Heart Space #48: Costa Rica

With all the writing from the past 3 projects, there's plenty of practice for my next big book. Haha. But seriously, there's plenty of time to do writing, personally, not just for work. I am penning this while waiting for 45 minutes for the dryer to finish up.

Here in Costa Rica, where I have been here for 2 weeks (with 2 more to go)... it's a lovely place. Weather varies at about 8-18 degrees whole day and they have 2 seasons, the dry and the wet. We didn't go out much as firstly we do not speak their language that well, and we heard it can get quite dangerous outdoors. As such, we have been on only 1 trip to the Arena Volcano, around 90km away from San Jose in the province of Alajuela. As part of the tour, we get to go Baldi hot springs. Though the ride was long, the volcano wasn't erupting, it was a nice trip away from work..

As we are only here for too short a time, we didn't bother to cook elaborately. We eat out almost every lunch, and the food has been pretty good but expensive. Thankfully breakfast is included in the hotel, so that saves us the money and time to prepare breakfast. Dinner was usually skipped for me as I am tired by 8pm. The sun sets about 5:30pm and my work/sleep cycle has been messed up, but I have kind of grown into it.. Oh, since we stay above the morning breakfast area of the hotel, I am always awoken by the clanging of the plates as the waitress prepares the table for breakfast. This happens from 5:30am in the morning.

Work officially starts at 8am till 5pm. The driver (yes, the company has a driver for us) is never on time and over time, we go down to the lobby only at 8:10am. The trip back is self funded as he is always unavailable to send us back to the hotel. Moving around is by taxi, and the taxi starts from 530 CR colons ($1.40 SGD). After a while, it jumps about 10 colons per seconds!!!! So a long trip will set us back quite a bit. Unlike in the Bahamas where we get to drive the car on weekends, even if they provide the car, we will certainly get lost. The roads are pretty unmarked, as in there are no clear indications on the direction of the roads.

At work, the clients are fantastic. They are super nice people and can see that some enjoy their work a lot. The people, I heard are the happiest people on the world. In my view ,they have the best teeth because almost everyone brushes after every meals, something I feel we should try to do more.

Every Friday towards Christmas, they play this game under the instruction of the boss, "Friend or Foe". The objective is to write a story about a gift that you want to give to some of your colleagues. If you are a "friend", you can buy something he needs. If not, you can buy something to make fun of him. So far, in the last session, I have seen pop-up dick, vibrating dicks, condoms, retro glasses, chocolates, underwear, lingerie, mugs, fake toys, coconuts, bras, you named it, they had it. The most creative part of it is that they will weave a story.. usually about a scandal... and they will do a lot of photoshop about photos to proof the scandal. I bet they must have a folder where all the faces of the people resides, so that they can explore their own creatively. Oh, did I mention food and drinks are also provided. I have since provided my BBQ pork and floss from Singapore.

However, I am looking forward to go back Singapore, for it will mark the beginning of a lot of things... and who knows, the end of this traveling job.

I will miss it...

Some of their letters

Heart Space #47: Emo Me & Him

Every time that I am away, I can get quite emotional, and like my friend Francis said, this job is not good for me as I am too emotional. Don't get me wrong, as I do not break down and cry. I feel it's a good thing to be emotional; I loved my wife more, my kid needless to say... I love her to bits. I have learned to appreciate the things in life back home a little tad better too. It is who I am, and if you cannot be yourself, who else can you be?

As days draw closer to my return date, there is still no news about the offer. I have to make a call, and I do not know how the coin would land. Kenneth told me, in a totally different context that God had it all planned out. He is where he is now, not because he planned it, but it unfolded for him. I guess you can read it that way, but the thing is, I felt I have planned it. Years ago, I wanted to do IT, so I got into a polytechnic that does IT course. Then I went to Australia, as planned because I know I will not be able to get into local university.. (bleah) but also it is a shorter path and I can gain some exposure living overseas. It turned out better than expected, as I met my wife... (ok, this probably planned by greater power). When I came back, I followed a friend and joined the IT consulting company. I stayed there till I decided to call it quit. That's when my major milestones were planned out. I took a 6 months break, (or as long as it would take) to find a job that I want, which is Project Manager role. Local SI came along, and offered me exactly what I was looking for. I spent 4 great years in the company , learning things that I was never exposed to. When it's time to relook at what was lacking in my resume, it was the exposure that an overseas job can provide, POP came this current job.

Now, I am at a lost, no further plans as I didn't plan to stay so short. Maybe it's time that in His hand that I should trust...I so need a sign and I need it fast.

Heart Space #46: Decisions and Decisions.

These few days required me to make decisions with regards to the balancing of my work and personal life. The outcomes of any decision will not only affect me, but my family as well. Here are the choices:
1. Continue, and proceed to Bahamas with my family
The upside of this is that the family will be together, yet can earn the bonuses that are due in April. The downside of it, however, is that should my wife be pregnant, arrangement has to be made for her to come back Singapore first, maybe even without me; for the project is 9 months and I do not wish her to give birth in Bahamas. How about the gyane support down in Bahamas, and also the amount of Faith stuff that we have to bring.... to last 9 months... amazing.

2. Move on to a new job
Upside, is I will get to stay in Singapore more regularly, and hopefully get an huge increment in the process.
The downside, is that there is absolutely no news after the interview despite having an excellent interview according to the interviewer. I hope news come soon, as I would want to give ample notice to IDAi should I decide not to go to Bahamas.

3. Join NCS back
Upside is that it's definitely local based job, which means I will be Singapore all the time. Did I mentioned an alright increment? That would give me no worries about the family and the pregnancy should it happen.
Downside of it, is that I will be going back to project delivery and also to an ex-company. How many of us did that? I am not sure.

Decisions decisions... so far, it's 2, then 1, then 3... For some reasons, didn't feel very compel to take option 3 even though it seems as best... Who knows, I might just do that

Heart Space #45: Costa Rica

I touched down here late last night about 940pm local time. Had the longest leg that Singapore Airlines (SIA) has to offer. Luckily the plane is the newer model and has better entertainment system than the Frankfurt New York leg. Despite that, I didn't manage to catch a lot of rest.

When I reached, I was told that I do not have my room settled yet, and I have to bunk in either in the living room or the colleague's twin room. This idea sucked big time of course, but there's seem to be no other choice but to wait it out. Hopefully they will get it fixed by end tomorrow.

Managed to get onto the internet, and found out from my wife that Faith was still looking for me. We all thought she would have been informed, guess kids do not register things that well in memory. She didn't believe my wife when she told her that I have already gone overseas to work. She went to look for me all over the house, only to be convinced when she could not find me. My wife told me that she was also at her listless self, despite having the new toys... I guess my wife could not be the playmate that I was with her. Just before I left, as usual, I will give her the pat talk, ensuring that she understands that her daddy has to go away. She told me the usual that she didn't want me to go overseas and work, and want to follow or ask me to stay in Singapore with her. I told her that this trip would be the last (knowing if only everything goes as planned). Told her that there will not be an extended trip anymore, and I would stay in Singapore with her. She nodded and ask me why must there still be a last trip? I am dumb folded..which I later answered that I have already promised to go, so I must make this trip regardless. She nodded as if she understood.

I showered and tried to sleep, with my earphones on. It was not as cold as I have expected it, and it was a bit on the stuffy side, as the room mate did not want to on the air conditioning. I believed I slept at about 330am.. However, at about 430 or 5am, the sun is already pretty high up, but what irritated me to most is the clinking and clanking of the plates just below the hotel room. We stayed very near the kitchen and the morning breakfast area. It was really really bad. Looks like I have to use the earphones every night and day in the house.

I already having very dark eye circles, must be the effect of the long haul flights and the sleepless nights. The start of a very long 28 days, and hold so much promise..... of a new dawn.

Heart Space #44: Faith schooling experience.

It was so nice being around to send Faith to school. Thank God that I did not miss this important milestone of her life.

The first day for her at Brighton Montessori down at Fort Road was uneventful. We dressed her up in her cute red/yellow pinafore uniform and send her to school. Faith was all so hyped up about going to school. When we reached the school, the principal came out to welcome us and ushered us to the room where teacher Bernie was waiting. When teacher Bernie opened to door to greet us, there was a classroom full of other kids playing and as if welcoming Faith. Faith waved goodbye to us under the instruction from Bernie, and walked in with her. We quickly left the place as the lesser we loiter around the area, the better for her.

Wife cried in the car, maybe in disbelief that our little has grown up, and gone to school. It is probably the first time that Faith is left totally alone with strangers. I think the 20 minute orientation did help a little. Earlier in the week, we brought Faith to be introduced to the school, talked to the teachers and let Faith play around in the room. At the end of the day, when we went to pick her up, the principal came to talk to us. She told us that she did not cry at all and participated in all the activities. She then showed us the photos that she took, and indeed, she looked happy. When the class is finally over, Faith came out happy and seemed to have truly enjoy the class. We thought there will be no more crying and Faith was exceptionally brave.

Day 2 came, and I was back at work. So got a call from the wife saying that Faith would rather go shopping than go to school. After more coaxing and shoving (hee), Faith went into the class crying. When the class finished at the end of the day, the teacher told my wife that after the initial separation, with milk and nap, Faith became alright, read no more crying. We are relived that she didn't cry the whole day.

Day 3 was less uneventful, maybe because she was in her PE attire. :) But according to grandma, she did say that she didn't want to go to school once she sees her porridge being served. She knew that the routine is that after the porridge, she would have to go to school.

Day 4 was the day that grandma has to tell her that "maybe there's a party at the school...." No crying though. :)

Day 5 (today), I told her to be brave again, as part of my daily pat talk. I told her that I will bring her to a playground to play with balls. My bad.. now she says she would play the balls first, then go to school. :( Anyway, managed to convince her that the shops are closed (which she insisted already open at 8am).

Let's see from now on... Can sense the importance of me being around her, as she looks towards me for approval and sense of support. Even in the nightly milk/bed session, she would hold my arm as if her bolster and want me to pat her sleep and sleep beside her. Although her 'reception' of mandarin is still very bad (she kicked mummy when she reads mandarin books to her), she promised that she will listen to the reading from now on.

We shall see...

Heart Space #43: For the Loves of my life.

A man who traveled across many seas and nations
to chase his dreamed-up aspirations;
many worshiped him for his courage and his stone cold heart
to be able to leave behind his loved ones and be months apart.

It is a pain that he relives everyday
and to endure it, is the only way.
Little do they know,
that it is an impossible life
if without a loving and capable wife
and a pretty cheeky little girl at home.

Heart Space #42: Twenty Thousand Miles

It is really becoming a reality. My wife and Faith is really going to fly nearly 20000 air miles to be with me for 10 days. After the sunny (I hope) 10 days in Bahamas, we are going to head out to the Big Apple for more crazy shopping and sight seeing. I am so sure that Faith and my wife will enjoy the big apple like I did. :)

It's the second (I stand corrected) time the wife is tagging along for my work, but this time it will be with my 2.7 year old daughter!. How time flies. I remembered when I tagged along to her work in Wellington, New Zealand. Although it was with a lot of fanfare before I was even allowed to go, I believe we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was the fond memories of driving around the entire south island, getting caught for speeding (my bad); nearly running out of gas, and how we switch off everything to conserve gas... ;left my shoes on top of the car after our picnic overlooking the lake at Queenstown. It was the 1 road trip that we have, that it was truly free and easy. We never book all the hotels in advance; She had only planned the major attractions to see, anything else was secondary. :) It was really our happy times. So many sweet memories, and it does not feel like yesterday. We have aged, or should I say, we had come a long way. We have a family now that we can call our own, and it's one that I am so very proud of. Faith is smart, pretty and simply adorable.

In order for me to enjoy the times ahead, I will buck up and finish up the work assignment ahead of time. I shall only allow enough minor work amendments that I can finish up during the days, for my evenings and weekends are packed to the brim. :) There's only 4 days of weekends that they are going to be here, and I am certainly going to make their traveling worth it.

God knows how soon I have to leave them again for work. :(

Heart Space #41: Death by Accident

When a message comes to you like "Have you heard about xxxx?", it never bodes well. This morning, I learn the misfortunate death of my friend, an ex-colleague. He was driving in his car where a tree was uprooted by strong wind and fell straight on top of him. According to the report, he had suffered spinal injuries and died on the spot. I do hope he passed on without feeling it, for it must be really unbearable to wait for rescue or be suffering the excruciating pains before death. There’s no better way to look at it, for his Life was taken away, just like that, in an instance, and not knowing what is it that robbed you and everything that you have.

I remained very troubled the entire day. I was just talking to him over the messenger a couple of days ago and we were having a good laugh about mindless work. Messages on his wall on Facebook have comments about people who spoken or met with him the day before the fatal accident. How devastated the wife must feel; how is she going to explain to the daughter that Daddy is never coming home again. The parents will not understand why such unfortunate occurrence happens to their son. Only questions, no one has the answer.

I do not think I can handle deaths well, although I understand the necessity and cycles of life. How does one know how much time we all have left? Is it the next very minute, hour or tomorrow? Are we living the minutes of lives without any regrets? Are you?

Heart Space #40: 1st Trip back from Trinidad & Tobago.

I am writing this blog on board the 2nd leg flight home from Frankfurt to Singapore, SQ025. Actually it’s the 3rd and final leg, for the first leg was from Port of Spain, Trinidad to New York, JFK. A lot of events have happened and finally led to us taking this unscheduled trip home. In summary, the country that we are serving, is calling for an abrupt election, and considering that my work involves a lot of engagements with the ministries and public, it was deemed inconvenient to continue. The circumstances that we were made to leave soon as possible had left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Notwithstanding that, I wanted to blog about my experience thus far in a new type of job, a new role and in a new country.

I got into this job without knowing what the job exactly is, where I’ll be posted and whether I am even sufficiently trained or experienced to do it. In fact the sentiment of “misfit” is shared amongst many, if not all of my colleagues. I did think, why me then? Was it because I was willing to travel over 9500 miles to do a job that few family men, even lesser women would take? Or was it because my past job experience has some remote relevance to the type of people that they hire? To further add to the mystery, I was assigned to a Reporting Officer (RO) that is so way high up and in a ‘segment’ of the workforce that requires long term posting.
As I got into the job, these thoughts fade quickly into the background. The urge to do a good job, to prove a point took over or it could just me trying simply to make the best out of it. Honestly, I do not have a yardstick on how I am doing or I am doing it right. I believe that I am doing things the right way, and so far, my lead has not said anything in disagreement or shown signs of discontent. With the scope continuing to expand, and lessening of resources and time, I would expect that the following weeks will be up to my neck, and therefore I am trying to pen this out while I can.

On the personal side of things, one could not imagine how much more difficult it actually is to leave your family behind and be separated in a distant land for work. I am not the ‘hero’ that some of my friends make me out to be. Sometimes in life, we are presented with an opportunity and we just have to take it, regardless if it was the best time or not. Would I have done it other way, since I have been in this job 3 months? I really do not know the answer, although there are times that I was dead sure of what the answer would be. Don’t get me wrong, I like the nature of the job, the experience that I get working in developing countries, the sparse travelling I have during my leisure time, but is it worth it? Do these all merit my time away from the people that I love so dearly? Is being there constitute same “value” as trying to provide them adequately? Spare me the lecture about inequitable comparisons, but my point is that is being there all the time and not working hard for the family, is that love? Having said this, I know there are other viable options in providing for the family, (and forgive me for being selfish), I do need to balance the needs of the family with my career aspirations. I am blessed with a wonderful and understanding wife whom without, it would be impossible to pull this off. Nonetheless, I constantly bear the thought, that I will not advance a single step without her blessings, and I made sure she knows it.

It seems that I have already written quite a bit and getting jet lag already up in the skies. It would be about 8 hours more of flight time, and 8 hours more before I can see my babies again. I will enjoy 20 odd days I have in Singapore and at the same time juggling work. Meanwhile, back to my Krisworld entertainment movies…. Oh yea, I just bought something (a first) in the air, and it’s for the mother of my baby, and for the 7th year anniversary of wedding.

Heart Space #39: If the foundation is crooked, how could one expect a straight house?

I have observed a few things in the preschools or enrichment classes I have attended with Faith. Although generally, the parents and kids are well behaved and good mannered, there are some that are simply obnoxious.,

1. Allowing their kids to jump queue to wash up.
- There's this time when a parent simply shove his boy up to the front of the queue, blatantly ignoring the 2 queues that were already formed. Faith wanted to move up front too, the lady behind said "It's okay". I told the lady, that it is not okay, and wanted Faith to queue up. Faith immediately got back to me, and join the queue. I figured, if you do not even teach your kids the basic ethics of life, what is the point of enriching other areas?

2. Playing games and ignoring rules.
- There are ground rules in the class, ie. no phone, no phone conversations. This parent simply go on and on with his phone conversation, while his kids are running amok in the class during a story telling session. When he finally finished his conversation, he turned on his games on the phone and play away.

3. Apologising.
- I mean, your kid has already hit someone's else kids on the head and the kid is obviously in pain. What is the least you can do? He chose to ignore and pretend nothing has happened.

All these points, is about 1 parent.. and I observed these in 1 lesson...

Maybe I am too harsh on myself, or my kids. But I believe that if we do not coach them well, who else will?

Heart Space #38: It has been a while.

Woah, time flies when you least expected it.

- Faith is coming to 2. She can say she's 2 years when you ask how old is she.
- Still wondering if I should organise a party for her
- She has about 12 teeth now, she won't let us put our fingers in. :P
- She knows so many words now...
- Words she knows (Bus, Train, Apple, Banana, Sleep, Milk, Boat, Sit There, Pour Inside, Put there, Don't want this, Want this etc)
- Can really run...

That's about it for now about her. Will post something else later.

Heart Space #37: Faith's Update.

I must say, it must have been ages since I last provided an update about Faith, so here goes.

- Faith finally turns 1.
- Had her own party, it was too messy to manage.
- She has 6 teeth now.
- Finally brought her to the beach.
- Found out that she looks really cute in jeans.
- Even more so in traditional chinese dress
- She knows so many words now. eg. if you say "Ah...", she will say "Pa"
- She points to a picture of a Panda, then hands the book to me. :S
- Words she knows (Pineapple, milk, apple, book, car, panda "pan", ong lai (pineapple), ball, biscuits, sorry, upstairs, downstairs, bus, outside, carry)
- Still cannot walk by herself, nor saying any of the words she knows.
- Of course, she knows who are her parents, her grandparents and Jie jie, babies...etc

I will post the pictures to FB once I have time.. :)

Heart Space #36: Christmas

They say XMAS is the time for giving and be joyful. At this present time, how many of us are doing both, or any one of them for the matter. As I say, XMAS is fictitious.

*disclaimer : This is my personal view, and I know it does not apply to all of us.., but I am pretty sure a lot of us needs to read on and reflect.

First of all, I have read in the news that parents in US are appealing to toy makers not to advertise their toys anymore on media. This is because when their kids see the ads, they would want to buy, and the parents cannot afford them anymore. As parents, I do know how that feels. How you ever look in the eyes of a child who can not have the things they deserve so dearly, the disappointment, the helplessness look hurt the parents more than anything on earth. My wife bought Faith a 3-in-1 toy, that can last Faith till she is 3 years old, for about SGD$160, and I was thinking Faith does not know how lucky she is... and this will be the first lesson I will (try to) teach her this Christmas.

Secondly, what is with the decorations and the music of Christmas? Don't they ever change? It's always the same old carols, and these songs (with all artiste doing covers) are played on high intensity from a week before Christmas. And suddenly on Boxing Day, they are gone, as if Christmas never came. So much work and money went into decorations, gifts and feasting and at the blink of an eye, all the festivity didn't seem to exist. Malls are eager to take down the decorations as quickly as they were put up, to make way for the Lunar Chinese New Year... When is the time for us to soak in the spirit of Christmas? I guess in seasonal countries, one could feel that Christmas spirit a little better.

I have decided not to say anymore lest I sound like the Grinch. To end it all, I believe the giving spirit should not be restricted to just Christmas and should not just be to your family, friends and colleagues. There is a great deal of people far less fortunate than us, and we should all work together to make this world a better place for all to live in.

Blessed be.

Heart Space #35: Life is like a Lopsided GPS

Life is like a lopsided GPS. The world is our map, and we are free to roam wherever we desire. However, in life, the start and end points have been predetermined for us.

For starters, a lot of us used the "Where am I" function to find oneself, whereas there is the other group who do not worry about where they start, but more excited of the journey ahead. Eventually, everyone moves, no one stays where they are. Making that first step without knowing how long the journey or what it brings required some leap of faith, but it was not that difficult.

We set our waypoints, stops and detours. All these merely alter the route and distance to our final destination. Some are happy with the straight and fast highway; whereas some prefer the longer and more scenic route. Whichever way you take, no two routes yield the same result. The bumps you hit, the stops and the tolls you have to pay vary from person to person. With the knowledge that whatever decisions we make, will have an impact on our future path, we learnt to plan ahead. We carefully take up insurance, more calculated risks, safer short cuts and so on, so that we can avoid the pitfalls that other people had failed.

Along the way, regardless of how carefully we plan our route; there are times when we are unexpectedly bumped off the road. Or we complain that the route suggested (by circumstances) is not the one we intended. Little did we know that this new path has its very own sights and experience that life determines we should experience. Do we count our blessing that things have gone this way? Or do we keep harping on the mindset that things would have been better if it has gone the way you intended?

End of the day, how much control do we really have? I believe the only control we have, is how we deal with each bumps, stops and detour along our route, for that is the one thing that makes the journey bearable

Heart Space #34: Bottled Up.

Today, I feel just so saddened. It's one of those days, where something (or a lot of things) bothered you, yet you cannot single out any of these things.

However, I am just wondering sometimes is it better to bottle things up, since saying them out will only make things worse than it already is? A few possible outcomes if my grievances are poured out; 1. things get better for a day or two, 2. have a long debate, 3. More feelings get bottled.

It's not as if I did not say out in a subtle way, in fact, I was pretty outright about it. I simply do not feel loved. It is doubly hard, trying to be joyful/loving on the outside, hoping it be reciprocated and yet at the same time deep inside, the yearning for love is eating you from within. All these are made worse with the sadness and darkness that constantly looms around.

Yes, it worries me somehow. When all you can do (like most people would) is to accept and not talk about it, then just how much can you bury? Are we wired to have the depth of acceptance, or are we simply overly cautious of the repercussions of events should we not hold our mouths shut? I believe that we all have our fair share of hitting our limits; or encountered times when we just could not hold the raging emotions. Did these flares of emotions resolve the conflict, or bring about the change? No... at least to me.

This is not me... and I am unwilling to be depressed for the remaining of my life. Yet, I will find new ways to accept, and be amazed by my new found depth.

Heart Space #33: IPL-ed

If you do a reference back to HeartSpace #33, you should see what this topic is about.

I finally got around doing something to beautify my face. There are spots, scars and simply 'things' I want removed from my otherwise handsome face. :)

Today marked the first step. I saw a consultant, via an appointment booked by a cousin. When I reached medical centre, it was pretty deserted with a handful of service staff. I was asked to fill up a registration form and waited for my turn. The nurse came and ushered my wife and myself into the consultation room. She was trying to make small talk, and asked me what my problem was. I couldn’t get what she was asking, and I replied “There’s no problem.” She must have thought then why the hell I am doing there?

The doctor came, and I explained to her what I roughly want done, and the nurse came back, and gave me a flexible quotation. First time I had the encounter of the shop asking if they can charge me at $x amount.

The sequence of the treatment is as follows;
- Wash face
- Put numbing cream
- Wait 30 minutes (waited for 40)
- Put cooling cream (numbed, and thought it was actually warm gel)
- Gets laser-ed
- Cleaned up
- Do mask
- Put all kinds of sprays and moisturizer
- End of treatment.

In short, I am supposed to wait for my spots to become dark, till black when it’s ripe enough to peel off by itself. Then, my skin will be left with those big ones that IPL could not resuce. I am supposed to return 2 weeks later, and this time, she will bring out the bigger laser…
PS: Did ask about the chickenpox scars and my dark cycles. It would take Skin Roller, xxxxx (can’t remember the name), and 2 units of botox to fix these all. Not forgetting a bulging wallet.

Heart Space #32: Faith's pictures

Yes. You should see a video... but you might have guessed that I have not put it up. Meanwhile, these are recent photos that I simply could not resist putting up first. Enjoy her teeth.. :)

Yep.. damn mosquito bite. :(

Heart Space #31: Short Ramblings II

It has been a month since I blogged... Gosh. Time flies when you least expected it. I wasn't that busy at work, but I guess I was sucked into the routine of my life; Work, Exercise and Faith.

On my own front, there's nothing interesting to blog about, with the exception of a discussion I had with 2 of my bosses. One of them mentioned that he knew a lot of people high up in their industries either in the C level management or MD equivalent. He added he know these people because they were classmates, or close friends of their classmates.

It only hit me half day later, when I reflect that that's how you know your contacts. You need to be amongst the elite, so that even if one day you don't really shine, some... at least 1 or 2 of your elite classmates will be somebody, and you can hitch a ride. Like my boss, who will shine even brighter, or should I say, there are numerous options available for him without even trying.

Here are some of the happenings around the world.

- The financial market is volatile, investors unhappy (I feel some of them are not as innocent as they claimed)
- Our merger still unsettled, although they have acquired enough shares to delist.
- More people doing stupid stuff... apparent in all the internet reports
- More china melamine tainted products... First it was lead paints, now this.
- Electricity tariff going up 21% despite the millions/billions that the electric company earned last year. Source

Faith has grown significantly, even though her weight is not showing it. She is still about 8kg, with 2kg more to go within 2 months. She can do a lot of things now like walking along the side of the crib, clapping, pretending to cry, waving goodbyes and taking off her own shirt. She has 2 teeth growing out of her lower jaws. She sometimes can say adult things like "bye", "papa", "mama", "milk". All these, you would wonder if you have misheard it.
As for outings, she attended Jaeden's birthday party, my BBQ and also had her first shot at "swimming". (2nd by the time of this post)

I will try to complete Faith's next story by this weekend and maybe bring the story to current. :)

Heart Space #30: Short Ramblings

I haven't blogged in a while.

A few quick updates...

1. A hawker asked me what's the trading price for Apple Inc shares currently, when she saw my iPhone. I was embarrassed!

2. Someone made a few comments about me and my fortune. Going to do something about it... so let's see if it's uphill from then onwards.

3. Went to the inaugural F1 night race. Still not amazed by the race, but I love the unpredictability of the race and the roars of the engines.

Heart Space #29: This is My Story #6

Been a while since Daddy got around to doing these. I guess he just busy accompanying me and snapping more photos.

As of today, I can do pretty a lot of stuff.
- Crawl pretty well and fast, might I just add
- Sit for a short while before gravity takes over
- I can call "Pa Pa", "Ta Ta" and some other noises even though my daddy thinks I am calling him; whatever makes him happy.
- Must learn how to call "Ma Ma", because Mummy looks upset.
- I still need some milk in the middle of the night, and that wears daddy out completely.
- I am still about 8-9kg., but my appetite has increased quite a bit. 150ml is the minimum I would take.
- I have eaten cereal, rice, brown rice, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, avocadoes, apple, bananas
- Boy... I still hate fish.

Enjoy the vids from the past.

Heart Space #28: Bintan Team Building.

This is a late post.

We had our first department team building in Bintan on 29th - 30th Aug. We were all looking forward to this, as a holiday, as a break from work, or simply because it could jolly be our last outing.

I wanted to write about the sequence of the activities we did in Bintan but have decided to put the pictures in a slideshow instead.

I wonder how much of the "Team" concepts we retained after all the fun we had. I guess team building exercise is a good platform for the boss to identify who are the natural leaders, who are the ones who makes a lot noise and those who simply can't follow instructions. During the event, my boss kept asking me to lead the team. I figured that I can do 1-2 exercises, but I should let others lead, or given a chance to. I appointed 2 other members to lead, and they did pretty well. Everyone who doesn't want to lead, at least listened to instructions. There was no unsporting-ness and everyone was game enough to try everything. It was surely some "firsts" for a lot of people; first time in Bintan (my 2nd), first paintball (my 2nd too), first time on ATV (yeah, my 1st), first on such team building (my last one was in poly days!).

Thankfully, overall it was a fun trip. The food wasn't that fantastic, the pub was an total mess. The beaches, pools, accommodation and the logistics was seamlessly sweet. I must say, it was an excellent break from work, and we DID get to know each other more.

Heart Space #27: Acquired.

This morning, saw an email in my mailbox from my VP of HCM (Human Capital Management) requesting an urgent address by the CEO at 10am.

We all know where this was leading to. There have been talks since our great grandparent signaled its intention to release (read 'sell') their rights. The news was indeed confirmed by our CEO, even though some had already heard it off the news. He mentioned that he wanted to communicate to his leaders before everyone else.

So, there you have it, we are sold off, just like that to the parent of our direct competitor. Things in the corporate world move so fast, that one is so caught unaware. But so what if we are informed months in advance? Are we in any power to change anything? Now only the hoping begins; hope that we still have our jobs, hope that our benefits stay, hope our D&D is still on and lastly hope that our bonus will still be good.

Who can be sure? One thing I am pretty sure from what I have seen today, there's seem to be a greater number of people of the upper management on their mobiles. Perhaps they are already making their plans.

Heart Space #26: Bug Bites? (17 August 2008)

Picked up Faith from the in law's place, and discovered Faith was severly bitten 2 nights ago.


I am not upset that she got bitten by something, but just really mad about not being told earlier. She has 2 bites on her face, and 6 concentrated on 1 feet!!!


As of writing, 21 August, the marks are all still there and yet to subside. :(

Heart Space #25: Life Stories I

Wonder if I should start a series detailing my life stories... or stories that are very close to my heart. Since this blog is about most of my thoughts and things that affected me, I guess Life Stories series must cover beyond these things, maybe extend to the stories of my friends.

I began this story, as a result of my wife stumbling across a blog of friend of our friend (TH). TH was our university mate, and in fact, she was a housemate of my wife. We were all very close, because we were international students, in a foreign country, and being Asians, bonded us even more. We celebrated countless birthdays, had pizza parties, potlucks and trips and these moments are etched deeply in our memories.

During the summer, TH's boyfriend came from Malaysia to visit her. He was really a simple and nice chap, and we had so much fun together and he had no problem integrating with us. Before this, we knew there was another guy (R) at the university who seems really interested in TH. He was so obviously in courtship (not love yet) with her and we were all so concerned about them. TH always brushed it off with "impossible", "nothing", "don't be silly" remarks. I guess on a hindsight, we had let our brotherly and sisterly love clouded our judgement and that TH was matured enough to make her own decision.

Fast forward to today. TH is happily married to R, and had a baby girl. They are really happy, and things are looking great. We will never know what happened to the boyfriend, after he had left Australia or any other events leading up to today. Was there someone in the wrong; nobody cares about it anymore.

What I wanted to say is that in life, not just during school days are ever changing. 1 short year in university, has spun out so many successful marriages (I last counted at least 4) and probably more unsuccessful ones. We make so many decisions daily, and these steer the direction of our lives and affect some others'. We do not know how far the ripples of our decisions will travel, but always bear in mind that ultimately, it's these decisions that make us who we are.

P.s you might forget through the hourglass of time, but photographs are forever.

Heart Space #24: Taiwan Trip 2008

I guess I better write this before I get swarmed by other things.

We've decided to take a trip now, despite bad season in Taiwan for numerous reasons; the most compelling is that there are no other times than now.

We chose the free & easy approach, because we just wanted a getaway, not some crazy schedule chasing trip. Thank God that we didn't get to follow tour, for they probably got stuck in some places in Taiwan.

This trip was really a mad rush up to the point we actually left. We were still trying to book hotels that morning, and we left with 阿里山not planned. It was really a dedicate job planning that route, for the timing and stuff has to be pinpoint accurate.
We decided Taipei as first stopover before heading to 高雄the next morning. It was a blessing because the last minute hostel we got, was really a nightmare. We saw roaches the moment we stepped into the room.

The next morning, we quickly had breakfast outside and took a train to 高雄. The hotel was not too bad but however we were caught in typhoon 凤凰, and were pretty much restricted in the places we could go. Luckily, we could still take cabs to the malls which were crowded by the like-minded. Since our hotel was not near to the centre of attractions, we took a good number of cab rides. On the second day, since 阿里山is definitely out, we figured the best way without disrupting the rest of our itinerary, is to skip 阿里山and stayed another day in 高雄.

When the typhoon and rain has subsided, we took the High Speed Rail (HSR) back to 台中,南投. This place has the connecting ride to the 日月谭. We paid a premium for the hotel's transport to come pick us up at the terminal for 1800NT$ 1 way. (approx $81). The hotel was indeed breathtaking, and we did enjoyed the spa too.. (which charges astronomical rates too)

Next stop, we went to 乌来 for yet another day; relaxing amid natural hot spring resort. We skipped the common baths, we figured there was no point, since we get the same "hot spring water" in our room. The hotel was pretty okay, except that I can hear my neighbour's snoring, plus some idiot who is using the hot spring in the middle of the night. (You can hear the pumps and water pipes...) :(

The last few days we finally manage to visit some attractions. This is something we have not got a chance to do in the earlier locations. Presents / tidbits are so hard to buy, because there are just not unique or worth buying, plus they are not really cheap too.

On the whole, I did enjoy this trip. Although I was sick for most of the time, it was a good break mentally; though my colleagues felt that I looked worse than before I left. Also, it left a big dent on my wallet considering we could go Japan for that money, and definitely way more than joining a tour.

I have compiled a list of the "best and worst" of my trip for summation.
Best Buy - Wii (10350NT$)
Best Hotel - The Lalu
Best Snack - Taipei MRT, 甜不辣
Best Night Market - ShihLin
Best Mall - Dream Mall
Best Attraction - Taipei 101
Best Train - HSR Business
Worst Attraction - MaoKong at night
Worst Night Market - 六合, but it has some nice food.
Worst food - 铁蛋

Oh, the video doesn't allow me for Chinese input, so the names are loosely translated.

Heart Space #23: CEO Takeaways (2 July 2008)

This is going to be a long blog entry, with intertwined topics.

I had breakfast with CEO sometime last week (my 2nd time). This breakfast session serves as an avenue for a informal feedback and dialogue between CEO and his top performers. I feel that this kind of session is really insightful, because he shares very personal thoughts and ideology that he holds close of his heart.
I am going to illustrate 1 of the takeaway keynote here;

A staff has 3 spheres surrounding him (imagine a picture of an egg). The innermost is the scope of this person, and how much he is doing right now. The next sphere is what this person thinks he can actually do. So for some of us, we actually doing close to what we think our maximum level is, and a few of us are FAR from doing what we are truly capable of. The last sphere, the outermost is how others perceive your true capabilities. He cited an example when his ex-boss said to him, during his initial years, that one day, he is going to be a CEO. It spurred him on, thinking if that's is his outermost sphere, because at that time, he never knew what lies in the last sphere.

I had a talk with my colleague, K one of the days last week. It started off when I told him that a colleague who was seconded to another client is getting additional bonus payout up to 8 months! We know that there are lot of "same level" staffs as me, who are never in office (because situated at client sites), are solely doing that particular project. Meanwhile, I am in office, getting all the hits, managing tons of projects (true enough, these are smaller projects, granted). I have to significantly cover a lot more ground, in terms of scope, as compared to them. Of course, to that, he said, we knew this all along, and each is governed by their own agenda. We have to stop comparing at all... because it serves no purpose anymore.

Anyway, the discussion was that, I was telling K, that even I am complaining, I am still treating these as a learning experience, because I have never done these before. K argued that there should be a threshold and he never sees me as a "No" person. Whatever gets thrown to me, I will not say 'No' and will do the job well. He has seen it happened too many times in this company. Just because the managers found someone to do the dirty jobs, they will keep giving that person, knowing that the person will never say no. I agree on the threshold, and said that as long as I am learning something new, I am fine. He said, he has never seen my threshold, and it's not right. He said trust is a very important issue, and as long as you trust your boss (or boss's boss, J in this case), then it should be fine (Of course the compensation part of it must not be undermined). But be warned that this trust is not misplaced, less of a more appropriate word. He cited an example of how this department is still staying afloat, is that there are still people like us, who are still committed in doing a good job regardless of whatever the politics or bad vibes are. He warned me of over trusting, and one day, I probably have to say No in time. Question is... will I? I guess I will say enough first then No..,

My boss was away for a good week plus in the states, and I have to cover his duties. I discovered a lot that was in his scope of work, was left pretty much unattended. I learnt SO much in this short span of time, because J painstaking go through all the stuff with me. He is probably hoping that I will one day be able to take up that role. After going through so many numbers, files, spreadsheets... I began to worry. Last time when I was asked the question if one day I will be able to take up the job, I will say with guidance, definitely. Now, I am not so certain anymore. Have I reached my outermost sphere? Am I cut out for it? Suddenly it all seemed too much work. J seems to have a knack for everything, from stocks, numbers, project management, everything under the sky... and I really do not want to disappoint. Maybe it's because I have projects that I cannot fully let go yet. I guess there's no other ways except to really go through my projects, pay extra attention to details, every dollar every cent. As he puts it, "You think I am really good? There no other ways, except hard work and paying extra attention to details."

If I were to summarise what I have written, it would be, "Take a good reflection of my spheres, and be to be self-driven to reach there."

Heart Space #22: This is My Story #5

Daddy is really catching up. This chapter 5 contains picture from my 11th - 17th weeks. I am only into my 24th so it's pretty close.

I still can't do a lot of things on my own yet, so hang in there with me...and I will show you what I can do!

Heart Space #21: Net Worth (19 June 2008)

Recently there are a lot of talks about salary and how much one should get. One can't help but to feel sore about himself when he sees other people getting a huge increment when they join another firm. Never is the case about someone taking a pay cut and changing jobs. It's always that talk about the 20% increment, huge travel opportunities, prestigious companies and so on. Jealousy and envy set in when you realized you are stuck in the position and feel so hard and difficult to move out. These feelings eventually eat you from within, making your job sucks more than ever, leaving you disillusioned and lost.

It's never fair when it comes to equating the amount of work to the salary that you are getting. It complicates further when you compare pay packages with your peers. CEOs are getting out of the world pay packages even when the company is making huge losses. Who decides your net worth? Is it the market, the company, your boss or yourself? If you never make known that you are feeling unsatisfied with your package, then how would you expect your boss to know? Having said that, it will also be futile if you just storm into your bosses' room and demand a raise. Go in with a justification and the stronger the justification, the higher your chance of getting that raise. No point in complaining day in and day out, and yet do nothing about it. Do your best to make a change, and if that doesn't happen, wouldn't the choice then be clear?

On the other hand, every decision a company makes is about maximizing profits. Profit is the difference between the amount paid to an employee and the economic value of the employee's output. There are no moral, emotional or financial obligations to any employee. No matter what the core values or charter that the company portrays, the bottom-line is that every single employee is expendable. There is no one single employee that the company can do without. Replacements are plentiful and readily, and in most cases, cheaper.

The silver lining is that different companies have different guidelines and thus varied idea of a person's net worth. You might worth $3000 to one company, but as long as some other company willing to pay you $8000, why not right? Who then question if you are worth that much... because apparently there's someone who thinks so. :P

Heart Space #20: This is My Story #4

In Chapter 4, you will get to see more of the usual stuff, i.e my sleeping patterns. Well, this has an painful experience as you shall see...

You might notice that I am already 5 months and 1 week old and yet my old daddy still working on my 6-11 weeks montage. You must forgive him, because there’s work, and myself to keep him really occupied. I am sure he will catch up… thanks dad!

Heart Space #19: Just don't force me anymore

I had it up to my neck. Enough is enough. I am so at the edge, that I can't even guarantee what I would do beyond this cliff of mine.

I am strained 3 ways between my parents, my wife, and my work. I have been doing this tender balancing act for the longest time, and the pressure has always been on me. I really do not want to consciously tread carefully around the premises that I call home. If I have to, what kind of home is that? Everyone is so self centered, putting their own priorities up front, when the most important person of all is so obvious? Why can't we all see that there's really no one out to harm Faith, intentionally, and everyone from the bottom of their hearts want the best for their daughter, grandchild? Can't we live happily and manage towards this common goal? Why can't we see each other contributions, instead of harping on what's wrong in the past? Nobody likes everyone, and nobody is liked by everyone. Does anyone ever spare a thought for me; their son, their husband?

Really, what's so difficult? It aches my very heart, that of all people, my immediate family can't see eye to eye. Many a times, I came across news of losing their loved ones, sick child, bed ridden parents, a guy who sold everything to cure his wife's cancer. Does any one of you give thanks daily? I never believed till recently, I have been giving thanks daily; for the roof above my head, for the lovely food that many yearn; for a healthy family; for a wonderful baby; for wonderful colleagues, of course being well alive to enjoy all these, among many other things...most recently of all, strength.

Today, my friend told me that she only gets to see her under-nourished 3 months old baby three times a week (Wednesday and weekend). This is because her mother-in-law simply refuses to let her have her baby more often. To add the suffering, the husband listens to his mum completely, and agrees with this "wrongdoing". I strongly believe a baby should spend more time with the parents, and my aim has always been this; Be fair, be really objective and do not take sides.

Again, I felt fortunate, that I get to see Faith every single day possible.

Are things as bad?!?! Did anything say to themselves, ever, "For Edwin's sake?". This could jolly well be my last blog entry. I have no home to go to, not my marital home, not my paternal home. Where is my fortress of solitude... Like I said, there's only so much I can take... and I know for sure, once I crossed that line... ... ...

Heart Space #18: Not Particularly Proud

Last week, I pulled a leaf from the Sun Tzu Art of War to achieve something for one of my client. I had no other choice for things have been stagnant for ages and there have been no breakthrough for weeks. I find it so hard to deal with someone who had mix personal emotions with work, and practically with no support from my management.

The plan worked, and though I was happy that it did, I can't help but feel more ashamed of myself.. More ashamed that I have to exercise the plan through another person, for it would not have work if I done it myself. In business, trickery and mind games are part and parcel of fighting a war, but does anyone care about the process or only about who won the war?

To my client, they would have gotten what they wanted, but they will never know at what price; for it's a weight that will weigh me down for a long long time. I wish I never have to do such things again, the first and last time of my life.

Thank you lambchop, I really hope you know it was nothing more than just a ploy.

Heart Space #17: Are you saying 'Yes' into the mirror?

Recently I stumbled upon and got so inspired by an old transcript by Steve Jobs at a Stanford Uni graduation ceremony in 2005. One of the thing he said was this, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" If you have been saying "no" for the most days in a row, there's something that you need to change.

Of course, a lot of us would say "No", because of our family commitments. Many of us would rather stay at home, and spend the remaining minutes with our loved ones. I guess he meant it in the work context. I admit, I am a work addict, as work is an integral part of me. I can't imagine a life without work. My colleague Kumar was shocked of my response to his hypothetical question; 'If everything is provided for, will anyone still work?'.

I must say, I am blessed in the course of my work life for I have enjoyed the most bits. However, on hindsight, was I the one who made it bearable (except for friends and colleagues)? I meant, did my mentality help me survive the ordeals of those tough times? Did I manage to convince myself that satisfaction from getting the job done is greater than the amount they give you monthly? Even up to now, I still firmly believe that no doubt you should be rewarded for your work well done, but prove that you can contribute at that level first, before making any senseless complains.

I have seen both sides of the corporate worlds, and I wonder how many sides are there, really. I have come from a place, where the general workforce is motivated, and yet so motivated that politics become de facto. Another traits of this side, is that some of them are blindly motivated, and the end result, is over motivated, and lose sight on what's really important in life. I nearly (maybe I did) fell into this trap.

The other side of the world, the general workforce is not motivated by work, but by the salary, or the bonus payout. They made fast comparisons without first comparing the amount of contribution they have given. They request to be rewarded upfront, before taking on a new task or role. Being on the job, means doing as little, avoiding responsibilities and never stepping out of their comfort zone. How could one expect to have huge increment then?

I have been saying 'Yes' to that mirror, because I know I love my job, the pay's alright, I have wonderful colleagues, great boss. Recently, the recent events are leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. My colleagues' scenarios are making me see that the staffs are just but a face they put to a project without thinking if it's a good fit. To make matter worse, they are forgotten once they are placed in the project, and not managed. In our line of business, how could one forget that staffs are our best and only asset?

I don't know how long I would say 'Yes', but I leave you with a quote from our Charter... have a think about it.

"People generally don't leave their job, they leave their supervisors."


Transcript available at : http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Heart Space #16: This is My Story #3

In my chapter 3, You will get to see a few major events. Firstly the hand/feet imprint for a plaque, the traditional hair cut and how can one forget the 1st month celebration.

Without further ado, here it is.

Heart Space #15: Short Ramblings.

A quick post to summarise what has happened in my life in recent weeks, besides the usual Faith stuffs. :P This blog is still mine, just in case we all have forgotten.

The 10 things that deserve a mention (in no particular order except item 1).
1. Top of the list, it has to be the birthday gift of an Iphone from a friend, although he calls it "friendship and everything" gift. Nonetheless... awesome, shocked and out of this world crazy pretty sums it all up.

2. Wife wanted to buy the same thing for me as well off my "lobang". So end up the monies will be used to upgrade my seriously "much needed" wardrobe. Still haven't got round to doing it yet. Still feel that tailored shirts are expensive, but I guess at some point, I just have to do it.

3. I really want to be a taxi driver for a day. Drive around Singapore, go to the airport, be on the road the whole day, and really experience first hand how much a taxi driver can make in a day. Some of the people should do this, before they make passing remarks (good or bad) about them, unless they experience it themselves.

4. Saw an accident that was reported on the news. The passenger car squashed between a car in front and a truck behind. According to the news, he has already slowed down, but the truck came along and totally sandwiched his car. He died on the spot. It made me think that it could jolly well be just a normal day for him, going to work; going home or whatever. But that's the last that anyone could see him alive. :( Make you really think about life and how unpredictable it is.

5. My colleague has been sick for the longest stretch of time. He had an extensive variety of viruses that struck him, and his array of medications did not cure him. He told me he was looking for a holistic approach to medication and diagnosis of his illness. As of writing, he slowly returning to normal routine, which is excellent news.

6. Been more watching about the food on my plate. Based from last experience, learnt that not everything on my plate should and can be eaten. I have begun eating slower and making sure I don't eat anything that my body will strongly object. Oh, on a separate note, I have been feeling more hungry than usual.

7. Realised I have less of 3 things in my life. 1. Sleep, 2. Time and 3. Money. Must really think about how to make more money. It's draining so much faster than I earn. I guess for the first 2, I just have to make do.

8. Work has been really bad. I mean, we are constantly being held ransom by our subcontractors. In my working world, I am constantly caught in a 3 way tussle; my management, my subcon and the clients. Everyone thinks a few sweet conversations, pat on the backs, will make everything go away. In fact, nothing moves without me applying the grease while trying desperate to crank the wheels into motion. They only probably realised when there's no one applying the grease or turning the wheel. These few episodes of trying to save dollars for my department, getting squeezed from all angles had made me considered moving out. I have a great boss, (which I think now is boss's boss), but that alone, will not be enough to entice me to stay.

9. We are all eagerly waiting for April to come, because that's when the bonus will be paid out. The company had made record earnings and going by that yardstick alone, we should be given quite a handout. According to the CEO, he said the bonus pool is doubled. Let's just hope some of that really dribble down and make all our wishes come true, and whatever I was promised, will be given.

10. I guess item 10 would be something of an emotional run. It has been a rollercoaster ride these days, with so much weighing on my mind. Sometimes, we have to be more spiritual than practical to make things work, for many a times, things were beyond our control. Let's hope the coming months will not be such a challenge to get by. Everyone being more harmonious, cooperative and a little less political. :)

Heart Space #14 : A Day in Sickness

Today is really a weird roll coaster day. I started the morning all fine, went through a series of meetings.

For lunch, I ate Nasi Briyani and drank Lemon Tea with some friends. The drink really tasted so weird, as if a cuttlefish swam in it. After which, I really needed a cup of hot tea to wash the taste down. That's when my body totally rejecting the whole lunch. I felt nauseous, and I simply could not stay around for the next meeting at 2pm. I took time off to see the doctor and get some prescription and went home with medical leave.

The drive home was equally bad. I had to make a stop to get milk powder for Faith. All along the way, the rice really wanted to be expelled from my body. Thankfully I reached home with nothing disastrous. I took the medication and went to sleep. It was pouring so heavily outside but I could not move a limb. I was feeling so hot, and indeed, the thermometer reads 38.5 degrees.

The menu for dinner was fish soup, boy it was kind of a good mistake. With the fish porridge in the stomach, I guess it just gone nuclear! I am shocked to still see the spices of the rice I had for lunch being expelled from my body. I certainly felt much much better after this, for all that remains is just a feverish body with massive body aches.

Updates: I learnt (the hard way) from Kumar that not all spices found in Biryani can be eaten. In my case, Clove is a deadly no no, which was the main cause for this upset.

Heart Space #13 : This is My Story #2

It has been a busy one month for me, and time really flies, especially when all I do is just drink and sleep.
I have been growing well, my cradle cap is getting much better after the olive oil and jasmine flower treatment that daddy/mummy is giving me. Hope I will be pretty by March.

I am 6 weeks and 2 days old as of writing, weighing about 5kgs now. It has been an eventful month; had my first hair cut and my very first party bash, although I slept through it all. I'll show these pictures in Chapter III.

Right now, here are some of the pictures I would love to share. Thank you for your watching and comments.

Heart Space #12 : My Birthday Thoughts.

So much had happened since I blogged one month ago. I just could not find the time and energy to pen my thoughts. Everyday for me was transiting between working, cooking and taking care of the baby.

Since it's my birthday, figured I should summarize some of the points here.

I have no desires for any present this year, perhaps presents to me, have lost its meaning. I believe that buying presents for someone, takes a great deal of thought and effort. You have to really think about what the person likes, and if the person really would want the present. It's not something you could buy at the last minute unless you really know him, or pass him the money. Bottomline is, you don't have to give a present unless you really want to.
I am just thankful that this year, I do not really want anything, or anything that I could not get myself. So, anything I got is extra to me. Those who have given me presents, my heartfelt thanks still go out to you. Thank you so much.

Birthday Cards... does anyone write them anymore? Do you write the same thing year in and year out? Or do you simply get your personal assistant to remember and you just scribble something on it and sign off? This goes to show just how much you care about your staff.

My thanks also go to my dear friends who made it a point to remember my birthday. It doesn't matter if you got reminded by your calendar, PDA, notes, Facebook whatever. The thing is that you made a point to note it in there in the first place. Thank you.

I do have 1 wish though. I wish that all the family members are healthy, happy and harmonious throughout. Hope that they have more "turtle qualities" (read patience), and respect each other more...

That's all I ever wish for ... this year.

Heart Space #11 : This is My Story #1

Hi, I'm Faith Tan. I am blogging through my daddy's website. Once in a while, I will share with you my story, and today I am going to tell you the very first Chapter... Hope you enjoy it.



Be sure to leave behind your comments!!!

Heart Space #10 : Leap of Faith.

This is a late post, for obvious reasons. :p

Today is Jan 15, 2nd and last day of my stay in Thomson Medical Center.
It has been truly a life changing experience, and I feel that no words can really describe how I feel these 2 days. However, I am going to give a rundown of the sequence of events, and hopefully you can follow our journey.

10th Jan, 1500hrs:- Wife was having pains since last night but refused to go to the gynae, since tomorrow is the appointment already. I called up Dr Kee clinic and talked to the nurse. Nurse thought it was urine infection since it's only when passing urine that it will hurt. Finally convinced her to visit Dr Kee by saying it could be very serious. The doctor ran a check and found that she was having mild contractions and the cervix is getting softer. We were asked to monitor for symptoms and to come back Saturday morning if nothing happens between then and Saturday.

12th Jan, 0915hrs:- Still nothing had happened. Brought her in as scheduled but the doctor was busy delivering another baby. He made us waited for ages, and her checkup only took 5 minutes. He found her to have dilated 1cm and contracting already. Again we were asked to go back to wait for signs, and if nothing happens, check in regardless on Sunday night 2330hrs. (Sounds familiar)

13th Jan, 2020hrs:- Still nothing has happened, so wife decided to go to the salon for hair wash.

13th Jan , 2330hrs:- No incidents still, so we lugged our bags for the third and last time and got ourselves admitted.

14th Jan, 0030hrs:- It was only 2-3cm dilated when admitted. It was the beginning of a very long wait....

14th Jan, 0343hrs:- Water bag burst.. Finally.. *phew*

14th Jan, 0510hrs:- Epidural given, wife has endured since. The operation lasted a good 30 minutes.

14th Jan, 0830hrs:- Gynae arrives, and think wife is ready to give birth and advises us to try.

14th Jan, 0840hrs:- Gynae found that no nurses are there to encourage us, got mad. The nurses got madder, since they feel it's too early. They needed the epidural to wear off before wife has more sensation to push.

14th Jan, 0900hrs:- The pushing commences...

14th Jan, 0936hrs:- Faith arrives!!!

Heart Space #9 : End of Year 2007

Another year is almost over, and gosh, many of us must be wondering where did all the time gone to? I know for sure, a great deal went to my work, for I never been so busy in this company before.

Here's a short recap of what happened in 2007.

1. Family
Well, my cousin delivered; which makes the total now stands at 4.
i. 2 girls (My Brother's and Louis's)
ii. 2 boys (Mag's and Serena's)
iii. Mine is on the way... hopefully in '08.
I don't think there will be anymore coming in '08, although one cousin is trying. I guess all the other mums are taking a break. I do hope my youngest cousin will get hitched in '08... before she really gets left on the shelf.. (She's really not bad looking ;P. You can check out my Facebook.)

2. Friends
Fulfilled my target of 5 new friends. I have made many new friends during my Euro trip. I guess on this front, friends have been really good this year. From the event in December, I’ve met even more friends, which is really good but I should have got their contact details. A couple of my other friends/(ex) colleagues got married (Ziyi, Chee Kian, Francis, Stephanie, Josephine, Shi Huey), a couple others gave/giving birth soon..so my wishes to all of them...

3. Family
Family has been great as well and about. I guess sometimes we got so bogged down by work, and we forget what is really important to us. My mum really deserves the MUM of the Year Award; She helped nonstop at my place, bought stuff for her granddaughter, joined me in the volunteer event... all these without expecting anything in return.

4. Work
There have been so much upheaval in work. More colleagues have left; Stanley, Grace, Peter, Trupti, Kah Tat, Cynthia, KaiJie, Yuan Leng, Ham Li Lian, Kwee Moi. One of them was forced to leave under dire and unmanaged circumstances that leave us all with a bad aftertaste. I am supposed to take on more roles and responsibilities in 2008, but there are just too many unsettled issues. My RO changed so many times, and for now, I never met up with my RO yet. Someone really needs to take care of my existing projects, and thankfully Stephanie is doing a good job. In addition, the most urgent project is on the verge of rollout (on target!), and thankfully there are still some people who are committed to finishing the project, and not let the negative thoughts prevent them from doing their best. However, in Phase 1A of this project, I could not longer afford my time as BA, PJM or even technical developer for this project. I put on so hats for this project rollout that it hit upon me as if I was still with Accenture. This has to stop, I mean everyone should play their roles well, and not just clock time, and not performing what they are tasked to.
Also, working with my subcontractor had such a drastic impact on my work life. It's so funny, we own a majority stake in the company and yet we absolutely have no say in anything. I am always left in a bad position with nothing much I can do, except to clean up the mess or to be held ransom. Furthermore, I am constantly caught in between of wanting to do the right thing and whether can I do the right thing. I guess the air up there in the management cloud, is something I will never understand for a while, but from the looks of it, I don't think it's that sweet smelling.

Well, the outlook for my work bodes ill, according to this Chinese almanac thing. A lot of office politics and backstabbing will occur next year. I guess this is so much in line, from what I understood from the role and position that I am supposing in. Sigh. Let’s see, for I am not a person liking such politics in office.

5. Money
Didn't save lot of money this year, nor invest any. My boss said if you have not made money this year, you have missed a great year. Well, that's easy for him to say, with money to spare. This is one area I really need to look into.. hmm.

6. Leisure
Hasn't really learn anything new, but have done a weenie bit of vb.net troubleshooting. Decided to learn French formally in 2008, hope the baby will not take up TOO much of my time, but I guess that's not possible. :P

Finally got down to it, and organised an event for the Club Rainbow kids. It was not possible without Felicia who coordinated with Club Rainbow and Made With Love for this event. We have a good number of volunteers (thanks, you guys!), food, fun activity and lots of presents to give away. We had one preparation class to prepare the kits required for the actual event. On the actual day, there was so much excitement and anxiety when the kids arrived. The kids (as well as the volunteers) really had a great time!!! Gotta start thinking of the next one... but next year.. not anytime soon.

7. Thanks and goals.
In this closing, would like to thank the following people for making 2007 bearable and most part of it, enjoyable.
(in no particular order...)
i. My folks and in laws (for the frequent cleaning and stuff they bought for us and the baby)
ii. To my wife, for bearing the weight of my little darling for a good 9 months.
iii. To Kumar, Thin, Huiling for being so committed to meet Maybank's impossible timeline. I guess you guys should really feel proud of yourselves.
iv. For my brother & cousins, Mag and Serena; for the wonderful and beautiful dresses, and hand-down stuff for the baby, which saves a lot for us.
v. For Felicia and the rest of the gang who participated in the Charity event on Dec 15, kudos to you too! Hope we made a small difference that day!
vi. Goals for 2008 is 3 "mores". More Time for my loved ones, More Money, More Knowledge (for work and leisure)

Heart Space #8 : Josephine Wedding

One of my closest female secondary schoolmates got married over the weekend. Theirs was a 13 year courtship, and it definitely had its share of ups and down. She asked me to be one of the "sisters", and well I agreed; in fact I even offered to take additional photographs for her. Besides, I never attended a church wedding yet, so figured it would really cool.

Hope she really loves my photos, though it would be very much better if the groom does look my way a bit more. Here's wishing her all the best and have a blissful marriage and life.

This montage is optimized for web viewing but still, it's a 30MB stream.

Click here to see the John & Josephine Wedding (Full 30MB) with ProShow

p.s. It's not fun to shoot in shirt and pants, with working shoes. :(

Heart Space #7 : Baby Faith

I came across this program that allows me to easily create a slideshow using photos. Had a hard time figuring out why it didn't work on Blogspot. Turns out that the server where I host the files is acting weird. So... if the slideshow doesn't start, load this page in a totally new browser window. Hope you guys like it, and do turn on your speakers. (works best with FlashPlayer 9.0)

It's amazing how much my wife has grown in size. Unfortunately, I do not have a lot of ultrascan pictures from the gynae; He probably has a thing for not giving out the pictures. What is so difficult about clicking the print button (besides, we are paying for it)? So instead, I posted pictures of my wife.

Just a month away before we can see her. She's been really active these weeks, wanting to brush her hands, legs, butt, head against our skin. Can't really wait to see her in person, just hope that we got everything prepared for her arrival.

Heart Space #6 : Charity Event of the Year

Preparations for this event has finally kicked off, well, at least for me. My good friend, Felicia has already done an excellent job; making contacts, gathered the necessary parties, arranged for a meeting.

Our little AGM last Saturday, we managed to discuss the outline, set out action items, and now the hunt for volunteers begin. I roped in a few of my colleagues (my direct team members not exactly supporting me for this... :() We have a target of 10-15 volunteers... Current count : 2

We will be having a train-the-trainers session prior to the event, so that we are in good shape to coach the kids. (Date to be advised)

I will update this space as soon I get more volunteers... Com'on sign up by emailing me at edwintan76@yahoo.com

Do look at the Flyer for more details.