Heart Space #34: Bottled Up.

Today, I feel just so saddened. It's one of those days, where something (or a lot of things) bothered you, yet you cannot single out any of these things.

However, I am just wondering sometimes is it better to bottle things up, since saying them out will only make things worse than it already is? A few possible outcomes if my grievances are poured out; 1. things get better for a day or two, 2. have a long debate, 3. More feelings get bottled.

It's not as if I did not say out in a subtle way, in fact, I was pretty outright about it. I simply do not feel loved. It is doubly hard, trying to be joyful/loving on the outside, hoping it be reciprocated and yet at the same time deep inside, the yearning for love is eating you from within. All these are made worse with the sadness and darkness that constantly looms around.

Yes, it worries me somehow. When all you can do (like most people would) is to accept and not talk about it, then just how much can you bury? Are we wired to have the depth of acceptance, or are we simply overly cautious of the repercussions of events should we not hold our mouths shut? I believe that we all have our fair share of hitting our limits; or encountered times when we just could not hold the raging emotions. Did these flares of emotions resolve the conflict, or bring about the change? No... at least to me.

This is not me... and I am unwilling to be depressed for the remaining of my life. Yet, I will find new ways to accept, and be amazed by my new found depth.