Heart Space #57: Tougher on the girls?

Almost every morning as I come down the Island Bridge from Paradise Island, my car will be stuck at the traffic lights. Recently there are some kids, probably around the age of 8-10 knocking on the window of every car asking for donations. Sometimes these kids will slam a piece of (seemingly official) paper on the window explaining to the passengers why they needed some donations. Only once did I manage to see exactly where my money was supposed for; it was for their school field trip to Florida, US. *gasp*

Well, I have given to them on several occasions sometimes without the need any justification as to why they needed the money in the first place. But yesterday, I got myself thinking that these kids, if they want to go for a field trip or something, shouldn't they work hard and save for it? In Bahamas, kids will work help out at the supermarkets, packing up your groceries, push your cart back to your car, unload the groceries etc... and more often than not, they get tips ranging from $1 to $5 US dollars. My wife and myself willingly give these kids for the services they rendered, afterall as my wife puts it loosely, "better be (at) here, then go play or idle elsewhere". While I do not like the idea of working at such a tender age, but over here, it is slightly different as these children may not get that much or any pocket allowances and helping out these supermarkets surely beat loitering and bumping around all day.

It worries me that all the kids I have seen, at the supermarkets or at the road junction asking for money are all boys. It makes me wonder how are the girls coping or work as to get some money for food should the need arises. Maybe they do help out in hair salons or some retail outlets to get by. It did occur to me that within the lower income group, the women on this land, seems to be tougher than the men. They are either young parents (mostly single), or working to support their entire household. Like in my case, the cleaning lady has to work few houses a week to support her husband and kid when the husband loses his job. I have seen my fair share of a sole female proprietorship operating a make shift stall selling cooked food, with her child sitting quietly in a corner.

Heart Space #56: End of Bahamas II

I am almost done with yet another posting and I have some time on hand to pen this long blog.

This time is a tad different from the previous ones that I had mainly because I had the luxury of having my family here with me throughout. It is their 2nd time back in Bahamas, the first being way back in late 2010. Having the wife and kid around definitely has its plus points as we managed to go on some getaways and holidays, not forgetting the those weekend grocery trips. Thankfully, there have been influx of different personnel from my company or Ecquaria's (especially Didi) to keep my wife and kid company. I am also glad that everything turned out fine and that the ladies of my house made some good friends too. (WanSie, Michelle, Georgin, Summer etc)

This assignment initially was for 9 months and thankfully (or not), the project timeline was shortened to 6. The project itself has it whole suite of issues and problems. The arrangement itself was difficult as me being the overall programme office, we (or rather I) do not have absolute control of the vendor (IBM) scope of work, which covered the infrastructure, portal and the horizontal services. We had a back to back agreement with Ecquaria who are developing the e-Services. 95% of my time are spent on sorting out the issues between design and implementation differences between these 2 vendors. At the same time, I have to manage client's expectations and ensuring that all the teams are working towards the common goal. With the successful launch of the portal and e-Services, I must admit that it was a great achievement not just for me personally, but the teams who have been involved from day 1.

Having said that, there are always folks who wants to steal someone's else thunder, maybe to compliment what they lack in their own department. Through the course of this assignment, I have seen my colleague, go against almost all I stood for, personally and professionally so that she could please the customer or get her way. The background of her work (and her teammate) is to start a new organisation and transit some of the existing resources into their new job or positions. Along with these, assessments and interviews are required in order to assess the suitability of the candidates in order to place them into the relevant job functions. However, based on what I have learnt and found out, the tests and assessment are not conducted in a transparent or fair manner. There were personnel who have not taken the tests and yet be placed into positions. In the end, there are some disgruntled government employees who questioned the integrity of the assessment and the impartiality of our company. Unfortunately, HQ could not do much about it, even though some of our folks have already feedback to them. As usual, HQ only knows as much as what is being updated to them, so to them things are often rosy.

Personally, she is absolutely hideous. I seldom (if not never) use this on anyone before. One example was how she made noise about having to tag along our trip to Miami to some of my other colleagues. We have never requested that she follows our itinerary, in fact, probably it is better for us that it is a family trip. I did even offer that she can take the car and drive to Florida Keys if that's was what she wanted, but she didn't take up the offer. Since she is already aware of what we wanted to do, why follow through the trip? What made it worse was that she kept telling me and my wife that she had enjoyed the trip tremendously.

One of the most despicable thing was that she complained to my HQ requesting that my extra fly-backs be removed as a result of my shortened posting. In her email that I was kindly kept in the bcc loop by the project director, she even said that she is not trying to remove my fly-back, but merely questioning the HR policies however, the email was never sent to HR. To top it all off like what she always does, she requested that her email be kept confidential and not be shared with me or my other colleagues as she is "a good friend and colleague" of me. My wife and me simply were flabbergasted. We wondered what else have been going on behind our backs and how HQ perceived our work overseas. (Note. also she told HQ that I do not like long haul flights... Bleah)

I could go on and on... but I just want to share one last one. Her track has 2 resources including herself. Yet this time, she is not actually doing any real deliverable. They were done by her teammate, but herself went on to do other "client pleasing" activities such as supervising renovation work, preparing for the launch (not even her track) and preparing a self gratification presentation for the client. I wonder just how many of the clients actually like her, considering how messy our office is now, and that their jobs are in limbo without knowing truly what had happened. In my opinion, there are so much work to be done; developing governance processes, helping with the transition, ensuring that all the employee grievances are addressed, unions are happy etc. This should be what her track truly entails. Finally, to top it all off, her team mate was only asked to attend the appreciation luncheon at the last minute.

While we need to constantly balance the company's bottom line versus the true meaning of a piece of good work, this seems to be a little over-stretched. In my view, when you talk about mentoring, a good indicator of a good well done could be that they no longer need you to be around to guide them and that they should feel confident enough in their new job functions.We should stop blaming our clients for being slow, unwilling to move for these are the constraints we know, especially we have been here before.

Before we point the finger at others, let's examine ourselves...

Heart Space #55: A Broken Buzz

While I was holidaying in Miami with my family, I bought Faith the Buzz Lightyear figurine from Toy Story. She has been crazy about this and the movie for so long, that I thought it would be something nice as a (yet another) gift for her. After I got the toy from WalMart, I realised that one of Buzz's wing could not be closed completely. I gave it a few more nudges, and it became fine. However, 2 weeks later, the same problematic wing could not be closed again. I became so guilty, because I thought I have fixed the issue, and gave up the opportunity to go back and change for a new one.

Few nights ago, as I was playing it with her again, it saddened me to see her trying to retract Buzz' wing again. She knew it was broken, maybe she was just trying her luck. So I took it over to see if I could really dismantle it and fix it. I found out that I needed more tools in order to be able to try, and therefore I told Faith that I will relook at it again when we go back to Singapore.

Me: Faith, I will try to fix it again when we go back to Singapore okay...
Faith : Okay.
Me: I'm so sorry that your Buzz is spoilt and PaPa is sad that he got you a spoilt one, and Buzz's wings cannot be closed.
Faith: It's okay, just pretend that the wings can be closed.

I was really touched by her sincerity of her words and how she can brush such defects aside. She probably felt that it was never a compromise on her part that Buzz was defective. Maybe what matters to her is that she has Buzz and that someone can play it with her.

It makes me wonder just exactly when did we adult lose such innocence and the purity of our hearts? Why do we pick on every little things and make such a big fuss out of it? Are we no longer forgiving and sympathetic to the situation and make the best out of it? Will the situation matter as much as if revisited a few days later?

That night, I have learned a valuable lesson from my baby...

Heart Space #54: Limitless

The movie is about a drug that grants you access to your other unused 80% of your brain power. This is of course not true, by the way, as we utilized every part of it..Anyway, according to the movie, you become more focused, able to piece together loose information, buried thoughts, pick up skills faster that you can say "Bruce lee".

Will one be addicted to this super drug if it is present in our time? Who would not right? It makes you smarter, boost your confidence and rich if you make use of it correctly. I'm sure in our near future, a drug like this can alter the way humans function. Humans have never been known as being satisfied; we are inquisitive, always trying to outreach, outdo each other and push the limitations of human and behavioral ethics.

What will the future be like for us and our children? The digital world is evolving at an alarming rate than ever before. Will we live in a world so marred by digital technologies that it seems virtual to us, even in a real world? If so, what genre could the movie makers make? It has to be either romance or drama, for actions and sci-fri stories will not be so alluring anymore. We need movies to make us weep in joy and in pain, to make us feel human once again.

Heart Space #53: 1778 stories of me and my wife

The story was about a sci-fi novelist who ended up writing a short story a day for his wife who was struck worth colon cancer. It was a very touching movie that I caught on the plane back to Singapore.

It demonstrated the love that they have for each other and how strong tine emotions is between a husband and wife. It made me reflect upon the decade which I have known my wife from college. We have progressed so much in our lives, and notably the sacrifices that she had made for the family.

The little daily chores, ensuring clothes are washed, researching new menu for lunch and dinner, taking care of the child are all part of how my wife tells me each day of just how much she loves me. Though the years, we have grown so accustomed to each other that one could not imagine the life without each other and yet we do not treasure as much as we should have. To us, there's always tomorrow, for that getaway, the celebration or the apology that is long overdue. The thing is that we never know when our numbers are up, or what events may strike us. Regret is always a moment too late.

As this plane is touching down Singapore in about 10 minutes, I wished it would u-turn back to Bahamas where the loves of my life are. I'll be counting down the days when I return, and when i do, i make sure they get my message of my love for them.

Heart Space #52: Work Experience Chapter 2.

Chapter II

I finally found a job after months of job hunting; refusing to become insurance agents, unwilling to take up any other jobs. It was at a sizable local IT company’s commercial department taking care of its financial customers. The new boss, who hired me, hired a couple of folks after me to help out the department. Practically my entire team left or was leaving by the time I joined the company. Nonetheless, I eventually have my own team and that was when I aspire to lead and develop an ‘A’ team that was talked about a lot in the previous company. Shortly after 1 month, the ex Project Manager that I took over from wanted me to join her. She has gotten good reviews about me from her existing team mates (who were still around).  Since I did not get any increment while joining this company, this offer seemed better.

I then went to speak to my boss to submit my resignation who was no doubt taken aback. He requested that I stay back to help him tide over this initial period of transition. It was also the end of my probation and he said he could do something to my salary package. He reviewed it in front of me and realised that he has given me the same as my last drawn pay. It must be way too little compared to what I deserved or maybe he really needed me for he then gave me an astonishing >10% increment. I had to turn down the other offer and stayed back for what it turns out to be 4 years.

In these 4 years, I have seen countless people come and go amongst other teams within the department. At 1 point in time, I was managing 9 projects, some of which were in maintenance.  Working life was really fun as I learnt lot of things from my boss, not just by working with him, but also about life, investing amongst many many other things. On top of the PM responsibilities, I was constantly roped into pre-sales role, drafting up proposals, technical specifications and presenting to potential customers. The big break came when a bank awarded my team a custom development project that will eventually roll out all their branches in Singapore. Unable to leverage on existing resources, I had only 1 solution architect to work with; I had to hire a technical lead and a developer.  I held onto my nerves, unwilling to hire someone who didn’t fulfill or match my expectations. My boss then shared his analogy about having somebody to move the brick is better than not having anyone at all. Finally our prayers were answered and we found someone whom we believed that can do the job. We went through design, development and rollout all by ourselves. In the end, the project saved 13% of forecasted costs and the entire team received accolades from the CEO.

What made me really happy was that everyone remained committed and performed their very best despite the challenging timeline, scope and customers. There were so many parties to work with and coordinate in order to meet the project objectives. I guess it was the same with any IT implementation, but it was indeed my first true PM experience, and everyone agreed that it was a job well done.  The experience of this project accelerated my growth and knowledge on running projects. Not only was I exposed to the client side of things, but internally I was facing audits, financial officers and department heads.  I have learnt about handling customers, internal politics, financial numbers, progress tracking amongst many other things and most importantly I was really happy doing the job.

Before long, one of the existing customers wanted to build a similar project to what my predecessor has built before. The project did not start well, because of various reasons. Our management wanted our solution architect to be the project manager while I am the supervising project manager. Not long into the project, he really irks the roles and responsibilities of a project manager and rather prefers a technical role. As such, we had to hire a project manager who has some financial background. In the end, we hired someone who has these background but with little technical knowledge. Throughout the course of the project, the customers made so many complaints about the project manager that resulted in frequent closed door discussion between the IT manager and me. One of the key reasons why we did not or rather, cannot stand our ground is that they own a substantial portion of the company through its companies. The IT manager must be a builder or an architect for all he talked to me about is laying foundation, building plans, water pipes and so on, akin to the components of a software implementation project. He does not believe in the competencies of the team and requested that I sit in their office to supervise everything and bring the project back onto track. In the end, I successfully managed to do that, and with the help of the team of course. It was a project that took the toils out of every single member, and something that we all wanted to get it over with. 3 of the 5 (including me) team members left the company shortly after this project, probably because of the burned out caused by this project.

Of course, the good times (or the bad) did not last. The news of the acquisition struck us pretty badly. It seemed so unbelievable that the parent company of 1 of our competitor wrestle the company into their ranks in 1 clean swoop. I guessed that is how things are in the commercial world, for size and assets matters. Things became dead slow and everyone began to be worried about their job, position and so on. Although eventually I didn’t land on the bad side of things, we had already lost the sense of belonging. We suddenly became step-children to a much larger entity. I have requested to talk to my boss after a while, but didn’t get to talk to him in a long while as things were pretty uncertain. He later told me that he had expected that I will eventually quit. He said that there was nothing he deemed interesting enough for him to keep me. He also felt that I need to move out, for at this point in time, it would be “wrong“for him to retain me.  I thanked him for the rewarding experience (also in terms of monetary) and I told him that if he ever needed me, I will help him.

End of Chapter II…

Heart Space #51: Work Experience Chapter 1.

The content of this blog came to me a while back. I want to document the stages of my work life for I have worked for a decade. I figured it is noteworthy to detail the takeaway from each of the company that I have worked for and the experiences that I have gained.

First of all, I am not a habitual job hopper. I stayed in my first company for 5 years, 4 years for the second company and I am halfway into my 2^nd year in my current position. I know of some folks who move from company to company, pocketing huge increment in remuneration with each jump. Through the years, I have learnt that this seems to be a good way to get huge salary increment, for it is more often than not, the increment if you stay is mediocre.  Unless you are promoted, the increment that you will get within a job is often limited by HR policies, performance of company and individual. How much you’ll get, you have absolutely no say in it, for the only choice you have is not take it and quit.

People do not usually switch jobs without a double digit increment (usually 10-20%). It is different when you change job as I perceive every job hop as a transaction or bargain. You state your price, go through negotiation and people willing to buy (hire in this sense). You have a choice to take up the offer or not. This flexibility promotes the mindset of workers to look and shop around for that ideal job.

For me, job hunting has been a bit different. I am not motivated totally (like many others) by the promise of huge increments, which I will explain later. I looked for jobs that I deemed as the next logical step to take and the benefits that the job will bring. In the chapters to follow, I will share what my rationale was at each stage of my work experience. 

1. IT MNC company.

My first job, being fresh out of university and didn’t know exactly what I want to do for a living. It was a contract position as a Java developer working on a government project. It was a hell period for a lot of us. I have seen my fair share of folks being stretched to their limit, working 7 days, 24 hours a day for long stretch without break. It was also a place where I have spent countless nights, resting (can’t even sleep) in the office.  The funny thing now that I looked back, I did enjoy the stress. It was gratifying in a weird sense of way and probably self motivation was the key to survival.

Looking back and having gone through this kind of gruelling work lifestyle, one is made aware of his own capabilities in terms of handling work, timeline and stress. I also gained valuable insight of the internal mechanism of big MNC and how the rewards and responsibilities are “distributed”. The fast pace of things, intensive people management, and targeted performance delivery and intensive performance expectations are all part and parcel of everyday situation. A lot of us gripe about being contractors and not having the perks that was due to us. Therefore at some point in time, some of us were converted to permanent positions (including me).

So I was in this developer role for a year before I transitioned into a team lead role. This role marks the start of the actual learning process in this company. Transitioning into an operation role allowed me to really work the ground, know clients directly and making an impact to the lives of the people affected by our systems. We had a tight team who was carefully selected which made the night batch jobs bearable. It became fun and exciting to go to work, and team morale is always at a high. This role taught me a few key points that I hold dearly:-

·         Importance of ownership

·         Enforced personal integrity

·         Importance of team structure and morale

·         Office politics can be deadly

·         Your promotions can be cut short by unrelated events

·         Importance of being /having a good leader

Finally… why did I move or quit? Being rotated to another government project was a key push factor. I did not want to remain and grow my government experience especially within the same vertical. Another push factor, is that I want to be a project manager (having done team lead) and in a commercial company, preferably in financial sector. Thus, I quit without a job and was bumming around at home for 6 months before the job that fits ALL my criteria came along. I been to dozens interviews and was even close to being an insurance agent (or now they are referred to as Financial Consultants). It was a long wait, but having set that target, I was unwilling to compromise on the position. I accepted the job offer at my last drawn remuneration package. It turns out to be my finest and best move ever….

End of Chapter I …

Heart Space #50: Here I am.

Been a while since I blogged.

So I am here, and yes, in Bahamas. But the good thing is that I have my entire family with me.

I am so busy with work, so that is why I have no time to blog anything about the move. In short, we had bought 2 new luggage, paid 300 SGD at Singapore, and 100 USD at JFK. We bunked into Hilton in Bahamas for 2 nights before finally moving into the same old apartment that I stayed in previously. One luggage handle broke due to the extreme weight. Well, given that, we packed tins of milk, and bottles of chicken essence for Belle. We did pack for 4 months minimum, so there's a certain amount we had to bring. We did leave behind quite a bit of the stuff we wanted to bring.

Anyway, HQ sent an Executive Consultant to help me out for 1 month, which proved to be a lifesaver.

The Lunar Chinese New Year celebration wasn't much to be excited about, but the dinner with the ITU users are more fun. Everyone loved the fried Singapore noodles that I cooked, and the spicy chilli braised chicken that Belle had cooked.

We have found a ballet school for Faith, for an hour every Saturday, and will continue to find a preschool for her to enjoy daily. She has been toilet trained herself. We bought a potty, and now she will go to it herself whenever she needs to relieve herself. Sometimes, she would forget that she is wearing diapers and be very panicky about looking for a potty and taking off whatever she is wearing. Funny.

Other than that, the other sad thing is that we failed the January cycle to try for a baby. :( I guess it wasn't ready for us.This made us very sad, and at the same time, made us realized that having a baby is no easy task and we are fortunate to have Faith as our daughter.

Last night, while I was showering Faith in the tub, since she was asking about Brighton school. I asked her if she wants to go back Singapore so that she can go school. She said yes. When I added that if she goes back, I will not be able to play with her in Singapore. Then she changed her stand to stay here in Bahamas. She, at such a young age, already know what is sacrificing... which warms and hurts me at the same time. :(

Heart Space #49: Guiding Principles


This should be the last post with regards to the mind bogging question that has been lingering on my mind for so long. I think to start with, one decision must always be based trying to achieve the best outcome. However, the definition of 'best' itself, is up to million ways of interpretation. I shall define how I see it. A best outcome is where it is a fair compromise on all stakeholders and yet meet the intended objectives. It's never possible for a complete win-win situation, someone else must lose out.

So this is what is fair.
1. Minimal disruption to Faith school
2. Letting the wife do whatever she wants or decided
3. Best situation for any unforeseen circumstances that may develop over the coming months.
4. I am still 'allowed' to take the B job if I want.

So these parameters constrict the options left. It's either take B job with limited visits & lengthy time away; or
immediately seek alternatives for a local job. The choice is clear.

Not the best 'feel' about the choice though... but it has to be done.

Heart Space #48: Costa Rica

With all the writing from the past 3 projects, there's plenty of practice for my next big book. Haha. But seriously, there's plenty of time to do writing, personally, not just for work. I am penning this while waiting for 45 minutes for the dryer to finish up.

Here in Costa Rica, where I have been here for 2 weeks (with 2 more to go)... it's a lovely place. Weather varies at about 8-18 degrees whole day and they have 2 seasons, the dry and the wet. We didn't go out much as firstly we do not speak their language that well, and we heard it can get quite dangerous outdoors. As such, we have been on only 1 trip to the Arena Volcano, around 90km away from San Jose in the province of Alajuela. As part of the tour, we get to go Baldi hot springs. Though the ride was long, the volcano wasn't erupting, it was a nice trip away from work..

As we are only here for too short a time, we didn't bother to cook elaborately. We eat out almost every lunch, and the food has been pretty good but expensive. Thankfully breakfast is included in the hotel, so that saves us the money and time to prepare breakfast. Dinner was usually skipped for me as I am tired by 8pm. The sun sets about 5:30pm and my work/sleep cycle has been messed up, but I have kind of grown into it.. Oh, since we stay above the morning breakfast area of the hotel, I am always awoken by the clanging of the plates as the waitress prepares the table for breakfast. This happens from 5:30am in the morning.

Work officially starts at 8am till 5pm. The driver (yes, the company has a driver for us) is never on time and over time, we go down to the lobby only at 8:10am. The trip back is self funded as he is always unavailable to send us back to the hotel. Moving around is by taxi, and the taxi starts from 530 CR colons ($1.40 SGD). After a while, it jumps about 10 colons per seconds!!!! So a long trip will set us back quite a bit. Unlike in the Bahamas where we get to drive the car on weekends, even if they provide the car, we will certainly get lost. The roads are pretty unmarked, as in there are no clear indications on the direction of the roads.

At work, the clients are fantastic. They are super nice people and can see that some enjoy their work a lot. The people, I heard are the happiest people on the world. In my view ,they have the best teeth because almost everyone brushes after every meals, something I feel we should try to do more.

Every Friday towards Christmas, they play this game under the instruction of the boss, "Friend or Foe". The objective is to write a story about a gift that you want to give to some of your colleagues. If you are a "friend", you can buy something he needs. If not, you can buy something to make fun of him. So far, in the last session, I have seen pop-up dick, vibrating dicks, condoms, retro glasses, chocolates, underwear, lingerie, mugs, fake toys, coconuts, bras, you named it, they had it. The most creative part of it is that they will weave a story.. usually about a scandal... and they will do a lot of photoshop about photos to proof the scandal. I bet they must have a folder where all the faces of the people resides, so that they can explore their own creatively. Oh, did I mention food and drinks are also provided. I have since provided my BBQ pork and floss from Singapore.

However, I am looking forward to go back Singapore, for it will mark the beginning of a lot of things... and who knows, the end of this traveling job.

I will miss it...

Some of their letters

Heart Space #47: Emo Me & Him

Every time that I am away, I can get quite emotional, and like my friend Francis said, this job is not good for me as I am too emotional. Don't get me wrong, as I do not break down and cry. I feel it's a good thing to be emotional; I loved my wife more, my kid needless to say... I love her to bits. I have learned to appreciate the things in life back home a little tad better too. It is who I am, and if you cannot be yourself, who else can you be?

As days draw closer to my return date, there is still no news about the offer. I have to make a call, and I do not know how the coin would land. Kenneth told me, in a totally different context that God had it all planned out. He is where he is now, not because he planned it, but it unfolded for him. I guess you can read it that way, but the thing is, I felt I have planned it. Years ago, I wanted to do IT, so I got into a polytechnic that does IT course. Then I went to Australia, as planned because I know I will not be able to get into local university.. (bleah) but also it is a shorter path and I can gain some exposure living overseas. It turned out better than expected, as I met my wife... (ok, this probably planned by greater power). When I came back, I followed a friend and joined the IT consulting company. I stayed there till I decided to call it quit. That's when my major milestones were planned out. I took a 6 months break, (or as long as it would take) to find a job that I want, which is Project Manager role. Local SI came along, and offered me exactly what I was looking for. I spent 4 great years in the company , learning things that I was never exposed to. When it's time to relook at what was lacking in my resume, it was the exposure that an overseas job can provide, POP came this current job.

Now, I am at a lost, no further plans as I didn't plan to stay so short. Maybe it's time that in His hand that I should trust...I so need a sign and I need it fast.

Heart Space #46: Decisions and Decisions.

These few days required me to make decisions with regards to the balancing of my work and personal life. The outcomes of any decision will not only affect me, but my family as well. Here are the choices:
1. Continue, and proceed to Bahamas with my family
The upside of this is that the family will be together, yet can earn the bonuses that are due in April. The downside of it, however, is that should my wife be pregnant, arrangement has to be made for her to come back Singapore first, maybe even without me; for the project is 9 months and I do not wish her to give birth in Bahamas. How about the gyane support down in Bahamas, and also the amount of Faith stuff that we have to bring.... to last 9 months... amazing.

2. Move on to a new job
Upside, is I will get to stay in Singapore more regularly, and hopefully get an huge increment in the process.
The downside, is that there is absolutely no news after the interview despite having an excellent interview according to the interviewer. I hope news come soon, as I would want to give ample notice to IDAi should I decide not to go to Bahamas.

3. Join NCS back
Upside is that it's definitely local based job, which means I will be Singapore all the time. Did I mentioned an alright increment? That would give me no worries about the family and the pregnancy should it happen.
Downside of it, is that I will be going back to project delivery and also to an ex-company. How many of us did that? I am not sure.

Decisions decisions... so far, it's 2, then 1, then 3... For some reasons, didn't feel very compel to take option 3 even though it seems as best... Who knows, I might just do that

Heart Space #45: Costa Rica

I touched down here late last night about 940pm local time. Had the longest leg that Singapore Airlines (SIA) has to offer. Luckily the plane is the newer model and has better entertainment system than the Frankfurt New York leg. Despite that, I didn't manage to catch a lot of rest.

When I reached, I was told that I do not have my room settled yet, and I have to bunk in either in the living room or the colleague's twin room. This idea sucked big time of course, but there's seem to be no other choice but to wait it out. Hopefully they will get it fixed by end tomorrow.

Managed to get onto the internet, and found out from my wife that Faith was still looking for me. We all thought she would have been informed, guess kids do not register things that well in memory. She didn't believe my wife when she told her that I have already gone overseas to work. She went to look for me all over the house, only to be convinced when she could not find me. My wife told me that she was also at her listless self, despite having the new toys... I guess my wife could not be the playmate that I was with her. Just before I left, as usual, I will give her the pat talk, ensuring that she understands that her daddy has to go away. She told me the usual that she didn't want me to go overseas and work, and want to follow or ask me to stay in Singapore with her. I told her that this trip would be the last (knowing if only everything goes as planned). Told her that there will not be an extended trip anymore, and I would stay in Singapore with her. She nodded and ask me why must there still be a last trip? I am dumb folded..which I later answered that I have already promised to go, so I must make this trip regardless. She nodded as if she understood.

I showered and tried to sleep, with my earphones on. It was not as cold as I have expected it, and it was a bit on the stuffy side, as the room mate did not want to on the air conditioning. I believed I slept at about 330am.. However, at about 430 or 5am, the sun is already pretty high up, but what irritated me to most is the clinking and clanking of the plates just below the hotel room. We stayed very near the kitchen and the morning breakfast area. It was really really bad. Looks like I have to use the earphones every night and day in the house.

I already having very dark eye circles, must be the effect of the long haul flights and the sleepless nights. The start of a very long 28 days, and hold so much promise..... of a new dawn.

Heart Space #44: Faith schooling experience.

It was so nice being around to send Faith to school. Thank God that I did not miss this important milestone of her life.

The first day for her at Brighton Montessori down at Fort Road was uneventful. We dressed her up in her cute red/yellow pinafore uniform and send her to school. Faith was all so hyped up about going to school. When we reached the school, the principal came out to welcome us and ushered us to the room where teacher Bernie was waiting. When teacher Bernie opened to door to greet us, there was a classroom full of other kids playing and as if welcoming Faith. Faith waved goodbye to us under the instruction from Bernie, and walked in with her. We quickly left the place as the lesser we loiter around the area, the better for her.

Wife cried in the car, maybe in disbelief that our little has grown up, and gone to school. It is probably the first time that Faith is left totally alone with strangers. I think the 20 minute orientation did help a little. Earlier in the week, we brought Faith to be introduced to the school, talked to the teachers and let Faith play around in the room. At the end of the day, when we went to pick her up, the principal came to talk to us. She told us that she did not cry at all and participated in all the activities. She then showed us the photos that she took, and indeed, she looked happy. When the class is finally over, Faith came out happy and seemed to have truly enjoy the class. We thought there will be no more crying and Faith was exceptionally brave.

Day 2 came, and I was back at work. So got a call from the wife saying that Faith would rather go shopping than go to school. After more coaxing and shoving (hee), Faith went into the class crying. When the class finished at the end of the day, the teacher told my wife that after the initial separation, with milk and nap, Faith became alright, read no more crying. We are relived that she didn't cry the whole day.

Day 3 was less uneventful, maybe because she was in her PE attire. :) But according to grandma, she did say that she didn't want to go to school once she sees her porridge being served. She knew that the routine is that after the porridge, she would have to go to school.

Day 4 was the day that grandma has to tell her that "maybe there's a party at the school...." No crying though. :)

Day 5 (today), I told her to be brave again, as part of my daily pat talk. I told her that I will bring her to a playground to play with balls. My bad.. now she says she would play the balls first, then go to school. :( Anyway, managed to convince her that the shops are closed (which she insisted already open at 8am).

Let's see from now on... Can sense the importance of me being around her, as she looks towards me for approval and sense of support. Even in the nightly milk/bed session, she would hold my arm as if her bolster and want me to pat her sleep and sleep beside her. Although her 'reception' of mandarin is still very bad (she kicked mummy when she reads mandarin books to her), she promised that she will listen to the reading from now on.

We shall see...

Heart Space #43: For the Loves of my life.

A man who traveled across many seas and nations
to chase his dreamed-up aspirations;
many worshiped him for his courage and his stone cold heart
to be able to leave behind his loved ones and be months apart.

It is a pain that he relives everyday
and to endure it, is the only way.
Little do they know,
that it is an impossible life
if without a loving and capable wife
and a pretty cheeky little girl at home.

Heart Space #42: Twenty Thousand Miles

It is really becoming a reality. My wife and Faith is really going to fly nearly 20000 air miles to be with me for 10 days. After the sunny (I hope) 10 days in Bahamas, we are going to head out to the Big Apple for more crazy shopping and sight seeing. I am so sure that Faith and my wife will enjoy the big apple like I did. :)

It's the second (I stand corrected) time the wife is tagging along for my work, but this time it will be with my 2.7 year old daughter!. How time flies. I remembered when I tagged along to her work in Wellington, New Zealand. Although it was with a lot of fanfare before I was even allowed to go, I believe we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was the fond memories of driving around the entire south island, getting caught for speeding (my bad); nearly running out of gas, and how we switch off everything to conserve gas... ;left my shoes on top of the car after our picnic overlooking the lake at Queenstown. It was the 1 road trip that we have, that it was truly free and easy. We never book all the hotels in advance; She had only planned the major attractions to see, anything else was secondary. :) It was really our happy times. So many sweet memories, and it does not feel like yesterday. We have aged, or should I say, we had come a long way. We have a family now that we can call our own, and it's one that I am so very proud of. Faith is smart, pretty and simply adorable.

In order for me to enjoy the times ahead, I will buck up and finish up the work assignment ahead of time. I shall only allow enough minor work amendments that I can finish up during the days, for my evenings and weekends are packed to the brim. :) There's only 4 days of weekends that they are going to be here, and I am certainly going to make their traveling worth it.

God knows how soon I have to leave them again for work. :(

Heart Space #41: Death by Accident

When a message comes to you like "Have you heard about xxxx?", it never bodes well. This morning, I learn the misfortunate death of my friend, an ex-colleague. He was driving in his car where a tree was uprooted by strong wind and fell straight on top of him. According to the report, he had suffered spinal injuries and died on the spot. I do hope he passed on without feeling it, for it must be really unbearable to wait for rescue or be suffering the excruciating pains before death. There’s no better way to look at it, for his Life was taken away, just like that, in an instance, and not knowing what is it that robbed you and everything that you have.

I remained very troubled the entire day. I was just talking to him over the messenger a couple of days ago and we were having a good laugh about mindless work. Messages on his wall on Facebook have comments about people who spoken or met with him the day before the fatal accident. How devastated the wife must feel; how is she going to explain to the daughter that Daddy is never coming home again. The parents will not understand why such unfortunate occurrence happens to their son. Only questions, no one has the answer.

I do not think I can handle deaths well, although I understand the necessity and cycles of life. How does one know how much time we all have left? Is it the next very minute, hour or tomorrow? Are we living the minutes of lives without any regrets? Are you?

Heart Space #40: 1st Trip back from Trinidad & Tobago.

I am writing this blog on board the 2nd leg flight home from Frankfurt to Singapore, SQ025. Actually it’s the 3rd and final leg, for the first leg was from Port of Spain, Trinidad to New York, JFK. A lot of events have happened and finally led to us taking this unscheduled trip home. In summary, the country that we are serving, is calling for an abrupt election, and considering that my work involves a lot of engagements with the ministries and public, it was deemed inconvenient to continue. The circumstances that we were made to leave soon as possible had left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Notwithstanding that, I wanted to blog about my experience thus far in a new type of job, a new role and in a new country.

I got into this job without knowing what the job exactly is, where I’ll be posted and whether I am even sufficiently trained or experienced to do it. In fact the sentiment of “misfit” is shared amongst many, if not all of my colleagues. I did think, why me then? Was it because I was willing to travel over 9500 miles to do a job that few family men, even lesser women would take? Or was it because my past job experience has some remote relevance to the type of people that they hire? To further add to the mystery, I was assigned to a Reporting Officer (RO) that is so way high up and in a ‘segment’ of the workforce that requires long term posting.
As I got into the job, these thoughts fade quickly into the background. The urge to do a good job, to prove a point took over or it could just me trying simply to make the best out of it. Honestly, I do not have a yardstick on how I am doing or I am doing it right. I believe that I am doing things the right way, and so far, my lead has not said anything in disagreement or shown signs of discontent. With the scope continuing to expand, and lessening of resources and time, I would expect that the following weeks will be up to my neck, and therefore I am trying to pen this out while I can.

On the personal side of things, one could not imagine how much more difficult it actually is to leave your family behind and be separated in a distant land for work. I am not the ‘hero’ that some of my friends make me out to be. Sometimes in life, we are presented with an opportunity and we just have to take it, regardless if it was the best time or not. Would I have done it other way, since I have been in this job 3 months? I really do not know the answer, although there are times that I was dead sure of what the answer would be. Don’t get me wrong, I like the nature of the job, the experience that I get working in developing countries, the sparse travelling I have during my leisure time, but is it worth it? Do these all merit my time away from the people that I love so dearly? Is being there constitute same “value” as trying to provide them adequately? Spare me the lecture about inequitable comparisons, but my point is that is being there all the time and not working hard for the family, is that love? Having said this, I know there are other viable options in providing for the family, (and forgive me for being selfish), I do need to balance the needs of the family with my career aspirations. I am blessed with a wonderful and understanding wife whom without, it would be impossible to pull this off. Nonetheless, I constantly bear the thought, that I will not advance a single step without her blessings, and I made sure she knows it.

It seems that I have already written quite a bit and getting jet lag already up in the skies. It would be about 8 hours more of flight time, and 8 hours more before I can see my babies again. I will enjoy 20 odd days I have in Singapore and at the same time juggling work. Meanwhile, back to my Krisworld entertainment movies…. Oh yea, I just bought something (a first) in the air, and it’s for the mother of my baby, and for the 7th year anniversary of wedding.

Heart Space #39: If the foundation is crooked, how could one expect a straight house?

I have observed a few things in the preschools or enrichment classes I have attended with Faith. Although generally, the parents and kids are well behaved and good mannered, there are some that are simply obnoxious.,

1. Allowing their kids to jump queue to wash up.
- There's this time when a parent simply shove his boy up to the front of the queue, blatantly ignoring the 2 queues that were already formed. Faith wanted to move up front too, the lady behind said "It's okay". I told the lady, that it is not okay, and wanted Faith to queue up. Faith immediately got back to me, and join the queue. I figured, if you do not even teach your kids the basic ethics of life, what is the point of enriching other areas?

2. Playing games and ignoring rules.
- There are ground rules in the class, ie. no phone, no phone conversations. This parent simply go on and on with his phone conversation, while his kids are running amok in the class during a story telling session. When he finally finished his conversation, he turned on his games on the phone and play away.

3. Apologising.
- I mean, your kid has already hit someone's else kids on the head and the kid is obviously in pain. What is the least you can do? He chose to ignore and pretend nothing has happened.

All these points, is about 1 parent.. and I observed these in 1 lesson...

Maybe I am too harsh on myself, or my kids. But I believe that if we do not coach them well, who else will?

Heart Space #38: It has been a while.

Woah, time flies when you least expected it.

- Faith is coming to 2. She can say she's 2 years when you ask how old is she.
- Still wondering if I should organise a party for her
- She has about 12 teeth now, she won't let us put our fingers in. :P
- She knows so many words now...
- Words she knows (Bus, Train, Apple, Banana, Sleep, Milk, Boat, Sit There, Pour Inside, Put there, Don't want this, Want this etc)
- Can really run...

That's about it for now about her. Will post something else later.