Heart Space #43: For the Loves of my life.

A man who traveled across many seas and nations
to chase his dreamed-up aspirations;
many worshiped him for his courage and his stone cold heart
to be able to leave behind his loved ones and be months apart.

It is a pain that he relives everyday
and to endure it, is the only way.
Little do they know,
that it is an impossible life
if without a loving and capable wife
and a pretty cheeky little girl at home.

Heart Space #42: Twenty Thousand Miles

It is really becoming a reality. My wife and Faith is really going to fly nearly 20000 air miles to be with me for 10 days. After the sunny (I hope) 10 days in Bahamas, we are going to head out to the Big Apple for more crazy shopping and sight seeing. I am so sure that Faith and my wife will enjoy the big apple like I did. :)

It's the second (I stand corrected) time the wife is tagging along for my work, but this time it will be with my 2.7 year old daughter!. How time flies. I remembered when I tagged along to her work in Wellington, New Zealand. Although it was with a lot of fanfare before I was even allowed to go, I believe we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was the fond memories of driving around the entire south island, getting caught for speeding (my bad); nearly running out of gas, and how we switch off everything to conserve gas... ;left my shoes on top of the car after our picnic overlooking the lake at Queenstown. It was the 1 road trip that we have, that it was truly free and easy. We never book all the hotels in advance; She had only planned the major attractions to see, anything else was secondary. :) It was really our happy times. So many sweet memories, and it does not feel like yesterday. We have aged, or should I say, we had come a long way. We have a family now that we can call our own, and it's one that I am so very proud of. Faith is smart, pretty and simply adorable.

In order for me to enjoy the times ahead, I will buck up and finish up the work assignment ahead of time. I shall only allow enough minor work amendments that I can finish up during the days, for my evenings and weekends are packed to the brim. :) There's only 4 days of weekends that they are going to be here, and I am certainly going to make their traveling worth it.

God knows how soon I have to leave them again for work. :(

Heart Space #41: Death by Accident

When a message comes to you like "Have you heard about xxxx?", it never bodes well. This morning, I learn the misfortunate death of my friend, an ex-colleague. He was driving in his car where a tree was uprooted by strong wind and fell straight on top of him. According to the report, he had suffered spinal injuries and died on the spot. I do hope he passed on without feeling it, for it must be really unbearable to wait for rescue or be suffering the excruciating pains before death. There’s no better way to look at it, for his Life was taken away, just like that, in an instance, and not knowing what is it that robbed you and everything that you have.

I remained very troubled the entire day. I was just talking to him over the messenger a couple of days ago and we were having a good laugh about mindless work. Messages on his wall on Facebook have comments about people who spoken or met with him the day before the fatal accident. How devastated the wife must feel; how is she going to explain to the daughter that Daddy is never coming home again. The parents will not understand why such unfortunate occurrence happens to their son. Only questions, no one has the answer.

I do not think I can handle deaths well, although I understand the necessity and cycles of life. How does one know how much time we all have left? Is it the next very minute, hour or tomorrow? Are we living the minutes of lives without any regrets? Are you?

Heart Space #40: 1st Trip back from Trinidad & Tobago.

I am writing this blog on board the 2nd leg flight home from Frankfurt to Singapore, SQ025. Actually it’s the 3rd and final leg, for the first leg was from Port of Spain, Trinidad to New York, JFK. A lot of events have happened and finally led to us taking this unscheduled trip home. In summary, the country that we are serving, is calling for an abrupt election, and considering that my work involves a lot of engagements with the ministries and public, it was deemed inconvenient to continue. The circumstances that we were made to leave soon as possible had left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Notwithstanding that, I wanted to blog about my experience thus far in a new type of job, a new role and in a new country.

I got into this job without knowing what the job exactly is, where I’ll be posted and whether I am even sufficiently trained or experienced to do it. In fact the sentiment of “misfit” is shared amongst many, if not all of my colleagues. I did think, why me then? Was it because I was willing to travel over 9500 miles to do a job that few family men, even lesser women would take? Or was it because my past job experience has some remote relevance to the type of people that they hire? To further add to the mystery, I was assigned to a Reporting Officer (RO) that is so way high up and in a ‘segment’ of the workforce that requires long term posting.
As I got into the job, these thoughts fade quickly into the background. The urge to do a good job, to prove a point took over or it could just me trying simply to make the best out of it. Honestly, I do not have a yardstick on how I am doing or I am doing it right. I believe that I am doing things the right way, and so far, my lead has not said anything in disagreement or shown signs of discontent. With the scope continuing to expand, and lessening of resources and time, I would expect that the following weeks will be up to my neck, and therefore I am trying to pen this out while I can.

On the personal side of things, one could not imagine how much more difficult it actually is to leave your family behind and be separated in a distant land for work. I am not the ‘hero’ that some of my friends make me out to be. Sometimes in life, we are presented with an opportunity and we just have to take it, regardless if it was the best time or not. Would I have done it other way, since I have been in this job 3 months? I really do not know the answer, although there are times that I was dead sure of what the answer would be. Don’t get me wrong, I like the nature of the job, the experience that I get working in developing countries, the sparse travelling I have during my leisure time, but is it worth it? Do these all merit my time away from the people that I love so dearly? Is being there constitute same “value” as trying to provide them adequately? Spare me the lecture about inequitable comparisons, but my point is that is being there all the time and not working hard for the family, is that love? Having said this, I know there are other viable options in providing for the family, (and forgive me for being selfish), I do need to balance the needs of the family with my career aspirations. I am blessed with a wonderful and understanding wife whom without, it would be impossible to pull this off. Nonetheless, I constantly bear the thought, that I will not advance a single step without her blessings, and I made sure she knows it.

It seems that I have already written quite a bit and getting jet lag already up in the skies. It would be about 8 hours more of flight time, and 8 hours more before I can see my babies again. I will enjoy 20 odd days I have in Singapore and at the same time juggling work. Meanwhile, back to my Krisworld entertainment movies…. Oh yea, I just bought something (a first) in the air, and it’s for the mother of my baby, and for the 7th year anniversary of wedding.

Heart Space #39: If the foundation is crooked, how could one expect a straight house?

I have observed a few things in the preschools or enrichment classes I have attended with Faith. Although generally, the parents and kids are well behaved and good mannered, there are some that are simply obnoxious.,

1. Allowing their kids to jump queue to wash up.
- There's this time when a parent simply shove his boy up to the front of the queue, blatantly ignoring the 2 queues that were already formed. Faith wanted to move up front too, the lady behind said "It's okay". I told the lady, that it is not okay, and wanted Faith to queue up. Faith immediately got back to me, and join the queue. I figured, if you do not even teach your kids the basic ethics of life, what is the point of enriching other areas?

2. Playing games and ignoring rules.
- There are ground rules in the class, ie. no phone, no phone conversations. This parent simply go on and on with his phone conversation, while his kids are running amok in the class during a story telling session. When he finally finished his conversation, he turned on his games on the phone and play away.

3. Apologising.
- I mean, your kid has already hit someone's else kids on the head and the kid is obviously in pain. What is the least you can do? He chose to ignore and pretend nothing has happened.

All these points, is about 1 parent.. and I observed these in 1 lesson...

Maybe I am too harsh on myself, or my kids. But I believe that if we do not coach them well, who else will?

Heart Space #38: It has been a while.

Woah, time flies when you least expected it.

- Faith is coming to 2. She can say she's 2 years when you ask how old is she.
- Still wondering if I should organise a party for her
- She has about 12 teeth now, she won't let us put our fingers in. :P
- She knows so many words now...
- Words she knows (Bus, Train, Apple, Banana, Sleep, Milk, Boat, Sit There, Pour Inside, Put there, Don't want this, Want this etc)
- Can really run...

That's about it for now about her. Will post something else later.

Heart Space #37: Faith's Update.

I must say, it must have been ages since I last provided an update about Faith, so here goes.

- Faith finally turns 1.
- Had her own party, it was too messy to manage.
- She has 6 teeth now.
- Finally brought her to the beach.
- Found out that she looks really cute in jeans.
- Even more so in traditional chinese dress
- She knows so many words now. eg. if you say "Ah...", she will say "Pa"
- She points to a picture of a Panda, then hands the book to me. :S
- Words she knows (Pineapple, milk, apple, book, car, panda "pan", ong lai (pineapple), ball, biscuits, sorry, upstairs, downstairs, bus, outside, carry)
- Still cannot walk by herself, nor saying any of the words she knows.
- Of course, she knows who are her parents, her grandparents and Jie jie, babies...etc

I will post the pictures to FB once I have time.. :)

Heart Space #36: Christmas

They say XMAS is the time for giving and be joyful. At this present time, how many of us are doing both, or any one of them for the matter. As I say, XMAS is fictitious.

*disclaimer : This is my personal view, and I know it does not apply to all of us.., but I am pretty sure a lot of us needs to read on and reflect.

First of all, I have read in the news that parents in US are appealing to toy makers not to advertise their toys anymore on media. This is because when their kids see the ads, they would want to buy, and the parents cannot afford them anymore. As parents, I do know how that feels. How you ever look in the eyes of a child who can not have the things they deserve so dearly, the disappointment, the helplessness look hurt the parents more than anything on earth. My wife bought Faith a 3-in-1 toy, that can last Faith till she is 3 years old, for about SGD$160, and I was thinking Faith does not know how lucky she is... and this will be the first lesson I will (try to) teach her this Christmas.

Secondly, what is with the decorations and the music of Christmas? Don't they ever change? It's always the same old carols, and these songs (with all artiste doing covers) are played on high intensity from a week before Christmas. And suddenly on Boxing Day, they are gone, as if Christmas never came. So much work and money went into decorations, gifts and feasting and at the blink of an eye, all the festivity didn't seem to exist. Malls are eager to take down the decorations as quickly as they were put up, to make way for the Lunar Chinese New Year... When is the time for us to soak in the spirit of Christmas? I guess in seasonal countries, one could feel that Christmas spirit a little better.

I have decided not to say anymore lest I sound like the Grinch. To end it all, I believe the giving spirit should not be restricted to just Christmas and should not just be to your family, friends and colleagues. There is a great deal of people far less fortunate than us, and we should all work together to make this world a better place for all to live in.

Blessed be.

Heart Space #35: Life is like a Lopsided GPS

Life is like a lopsided GPS. The world is our map, and we are free to roam wherever we desire. However, in life, the start and end points have been predetermined for us.

For starters, a lot of us used the "Where am I" function to find oneself, whereas there is the other group who do not worry about where they start, but more excited of the journey ahead. Eventually, everyone moves, no one stays where they are. Making that first step without knowing how long the journey or what it brings required some leap of faith, but it was not that difficult.

We set our waypoints, stops and detours. All these merely alter the route and distance to our final destination. Some are happy with the straight and fast highway; whereas some prefer the longer and more scenic route. Whichever way you take, no two routes yield the same result. The bumps you hit, the stops and the tolls you have to pay vary from person to person. With the knowledge that whatever decisions we make, will have an impact on our future path, we learnt to plan ahead. We carefully take up insurance, more calculated risks, safer short cuts and so on, so that we can avoid the pitfalls that other people had failed.

Along the way, regardless of how carefully we plan our route; there are times when we are unexpectedly bumped off the road. Or we complain that the route suggested (by circumstances) is not the one we intended. Little did we know that this new path has its very own sights and experience that life determines we should experience. Do we count our blessing that things have gone this way? Or do we keep harping on the mindset that things would have been better if it has gone the way you intended?

End of the day, how much control do we really have? I believe the only control we have, is how we deal with each bumps, stops and detour along our route, for that is the one thing that makes the journey bearable

Heart Space #34: Bottled Up.

Today, I feel just so saddened. It's one of those days, where something (or a lot of things) bothered you, yet you cannot single out any of these things.

However, I am just wondering sometimes is it better to bottle things up, since saying them out will only make things worse than it already is? A few possible outcomes if my grievances are poured out; 1. things get better for a day or two, 2. have a long debate, 3. More feelings get bottled.

It's not as if I did not say out in a subtle way, in fact, I was pretty outright about it. I simply do not feel loved. It is doubly hard, trying to be joyful/loving on the outside, hoping it be reciprocated and yet at the same time deep inside, the yearning for love is eating you from within. All these are made worse with the sadness and darkness that constantly looms around.

Yes, it worries me somehow. When all you can do (like most people would) is to accept and not talk about it, then just how much can you bury? Are we wired to have the depth of acceptance, or are we simply overly cautious of the repercussions of events should we not hold our mouths shut? I believe that we all have our fair share of hitting our limits; or encountered times when we just could not hold the raging emotions. Did these flares of emotions resolve the conflict, or bring about the change? No... at least to me.

This is not me... and I am unwilling to be depressed for the remaining of my life. Yet, I will find new ways to accept, and be amazed by my new found depth.

Heart Space #33: IPL-ed

If you do a reference back to HeartSpace #33, you should see what this topic is about.

I finally got around doing something to beautify my face. There are spots, scars and simply 'things' I want removed from my otherwise handsome face. :)

Today marked the first step. I saw a consultant, via an appointment booked by a cousin. When I reached medical centre, it was pretty deserted with a handful of service staff. I was asked to fill up a registration form and waited for my turn. The nurse came and ushered my wife and myself into the consultation room. She was trying to make small talk, and asked me what my problem was. I couldn’t get what she was asking, and I replied “There’s no problem.” She must have thought then why the hell I am doing there?

The doctor came, and I explained to her what I roughly want done, and the nurse came back, and gave me a flexible quotation. First time I had the encounter of the shop asking if they can charge me at $x amount.

The sequence of the treatment is as follows;
- Wash face
- Put numbing cream
- Wait 30 minutes (waited for 40)
- Put cooling cream (numbed, and thought it was actually warm gel)
- Gets laser-ed
- Cleaned up
- Do mask
- Put all kinds of sprays and moisturizer
- End of treatment.

In short, I am supposed to wait for my spots to become dark, till black when it’s ripe enough to peel off by itself. Then, my skin will be left with those big ones that IPL could not resuce. I am supposed to return 2 weeks later, and this time, she will bring out the bigger laser…
PS: Did ask about the chickenpox scars and my dark cycles. It would take Skin Roller, xxxxx (can’t remember the name), and 2 units of botox to fix these all. Not forgetting a bulging wallet.

Heart Space #32: Faith's pictures

Yes. You should see a video... but you might have guessed that I have not put it up. Meanwhile, these are recent photos that I simply could not resist putting up first. Enjoy her teeth.. :)

Yep.. damn mosquito bite. :(

Heart Space #31: Short Ramblings II

It has been a month since I blogged... Gosh. Time flies when you least expected it. I wasn't that busy at work, but I guess I was sucked into the routine of my life; Work, Exercise and Faith.

On my own front, there's nothing interesting to blog about, with the exception of a discussion I had with 2 of my bosses. One of them mentioned that he knew a lot of people high up in their industries either in the C level management or MD equivalent. He added he know these people because they were classmates, or close friends of their classmates.

It only hit me half day later, when I reflect that that's how you know your contacts. You need to be amongst the elite, so that even if one day you don't really shine, some... at least 1 or 2 of your elite classmates will be somebody, and you can hitch a ride. Like my boss, who will shine even brighter, or should I say, there are numerous options available for him without even trying.

Here are some of the happenings around the world.

- The financial market is volatile, investors unhappy (I feel some of them are not as innocent as they claimed)
- Our merger still unsettled, although they have acquired enough shares to delist.
- More people doing stupid stuff... apparent in all the internet reports
- More china melamine tainted products... First it was lead paints, now this.
- Electricity tariff going up 21% despite the millions/billions that the electric company earned last year. Source

Faith has grown significantly, even though her weight is not showing it. She is still about 8kg, with 2kg more to go within 2 months. She can do a lot of things now like walking along the side of the crib, clapping, pretending to cry, waving goodbyes and taking off her own shirt. She has 2 teeth growing out of her lower jaws. She sometimes can say adult things like "bye", "papa", "mama", "milk". All these, you would wonder if you have misheard it.
As for outings, she attended Jaeden's birthday party, my BBQ and also had her first shot at "swimming". (2nd by the time of this post)

I will try to complete Faith's next story by this weekend and maybe bring the story to current. :)

Heart Space #30: Short Ramblings

I haven't blogged in a while.

A few quick updates...

1. A hawker asked me what's the trading price for Apple Inc shares currently, when she saw my iPhone. I was embarrassed!

2. Someone made a few comments about me and my fortune. Going to do something about it... so let's see if it's uphill from then onwards.

3. Went to the inaugural F1 night race. Still not amazed by the race, but I love the unpredictability of the race and the roars of the engines.

Heart Space #29: This is My Story #6

Been a while since Daddy got around to doing these. I guess he just busy accompanying me and snapping more photos.

As of today, I can do pretty a lot of stuff.
- Crawl pretty well and fast, might I just add
- Sit for a short while before gravity takes over
- I can call "Pa Pa", "Ta Ta" and some other noises even though my daddy thinks I am calling him; whatever makes him happy.
- Must learn how to call "Ma Ma", because Mummy looks upset.
- I still need some milk in the middle of the night, and that wears daddy out completely.
- I am still about 8-9kg., but my appetite has increased quite a bit. 150ml is the minimum I would take.
- I have eaten cereal, rice, brown rice, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, avocadoes, apple, bananas
- Boy... I still hate fish.

Enjoy the vids from the past.

Heart Space #28: Bintan Team Building.

This is a late post.

We had our first department team building in Bintan on 29th - 30th Aug. We were all looking forward to this, as a holiday, as a break from work, or simply because it could jolly be our last outing.

I wanted to write about the sequence of the activities we did in Bintan but have decided to put the pictures in a slideshow instead.

I wonder how much of the "Team" concepts we retained after all the fun we had. I guess team building exercise is a good platform for the boss to identify who are the natural leaders, who are the ones who makes a lot noise and those who simply can't follow instructions. During the event, my boss kept asking me to lead the team. I figured that I can do 1-2 exercises, but I should let others lead, or given a chance to. I appointed 2 other members to lead, and they did pretty well. Everyone who doesn't want to lead, at least listened to instructions. There was no unsporting-ness and everyone was game enough to try everything. It was surely some "firsts" for a lot of people; first time in Bintan (my 2nd), first paintball (my 2nd too), first time on ATV (yeah, my 1st), first on such team building (my last one was in poly days!).

Thankfully, overall it was a fun trip. The food wasn't that fantastic, the pub was an total mess. The beaches, pools, accommodation and the logistics was seamlessly sweet. I must say, it was an excellent break from work, and we DID get to know each other more.

Heart Space #27: Acquired.

This morning, saw an email in my mailbox from my VP of HCM (Human Capital Management) requesting an urgent address by the CEO at 10am.

We all know where this was leading to. There have been talks since our great grandparent signaled its intention to release (read 'sell') their rights. The news was indeed confirmed by our CEO, even though some had already heard it off the news. He mentioned that he wanted to communicate to his leaders before everyone else.

So, there you have it, we are sold off, just like that to the parent of our direct competitor. Things in the corporate world move so fast, that one is so caught unaware. But so what if we are informed months in advance? Are we in any power to change anything? Now only the hoping begins; hope that we still have our jobs, hope that our benefits stay, hope our D&D is still on and lastly hope that our bonus will still be good.

Who can be sure? One thing I am pretty sure from what I have seen today, there's seem to be a greater number of people of the upper management on their mobiles. Perhaps they are already making their plans.

Heart Space #26: Bug Bites? (17 August 2008)

Picked up Faith from the in law's place, and discovered Faith was severly bitten 2 nights ago.


I am not upset that she got bitten by something, but just really mad about not being told earlier. She has 2 bites on her face, and 6 concentrated on 1 feet!!!


As of writing, 21 August, the marks are all still there and yet to subside. :(

Heart Space #25: Life Stories I

Wonder if I should start a series detailing my life stories... or stories that are very close to my heart. Since this blog is about most of my thoughts and things that affected me, I guess Life Stories series must cover beyond these things, maybe extend to the stories of my friends.

I began this story, as a result of my wife stumbling across a blog of friend of our friend (TH). TH was our university mate, and in fact, she was a housemate of my wife. We were all very close, because we were international students, in a foreign country, and being Asians, bonded us even more. We celebrated countless birthdays, had pizza parties, potlucks and trips and these moments are etched deeply in our memories.

During the summer, TH's boyfriend came from Malaysia to visit her. He was really a simple and nice chap, and we had so much fun together and he had no problem integrating with us. Before this, we knew there was another guy (R) at the university who seems really interested in TH. He was so obviously in courtship (not love yet) with her and we were all so concerned about them. TH always brushed it off with "impossible", "nothing", "don't be silly" remarks. I guess on a hindsight, we had let our brotherly and sisterly love clouded our judgement and that TH was matured enough to make her own decision.

Fast forward to today. TH is happily married to R, and had a baby girl. They are really happy, and things are looking great. We will never know what happened to the boyfriend, after he had left Australia or any other events leading up to today. Was there someone in the wrong; nobody cares about it anymore.

What I wanted to say is that in life, not just during school days are ever changing. 1 short year in university, has spun out so many successful marriages (I last counted at least 4) and probably more unsuccessful ones. We make so many decisions daily, and these steer the direction of our lives and affect some others'. We do not know how far the ripples of our decisions will travel, but always bear in mind that ultimately, it's these decisions that make us who we are.

P.s you might forget through the hourglass of time, but photographs are forever.

Heart Space #24: Taiwan Trip 2008

I guess I better write this before I get swarmed by other things.

We've decided to take a trip now, despite bad season in Taiwan for numerous reasons; the most compelling is that there are no other times than now.

We chose the free & easy approach, because we just wanted a getaway, not some crazy schedule chasing trip. Thank God that we didn't get to follow tour, for they probably got stuck in some places in Taiwan.

This trip was really a mad rush up to the point we actually left. We were still trying to book hotels that morning, and we left with 阿里山not planned. It was really a dedicate job planning that route, for the timing and stuff has to be pinpoint accurate.
We decided Taipei as first stopover before heading to 高雄the next morning. It was a blessing because the last minute hostel we got, was really a nightmare. We saw roaches the moment we stepped into the room.

The next morning, we quickly had breakfast outside and took a train to 高雄. The hotel was not too bad but however we were caught in typhoon 凤凰, and were pretty much restricted in the places we could go. Luckily, we could still take cabs to the malls which were crowded by the like-minded. Since our hotel was not near to the centre of attractions, we took a good number of cab rides. On the second day, since 阿里山is definitely out, we figured the best way without disrupting the rest of our itinerary, is to skip 阿里山and stayed another day in 高雄.

When the typhoon and rain has subsided, we took the High Speed Rail (HSR) back to 台中,南投. This place has the connecting ride to the 日月谭. We paid a premium for the hotel's transport to come pick us up at the terminal for 1800NT$ 1 way. (approx $81). The hotel was indeed breathtaking, and we did enjoyed the spa too.. (which charges astronomical rates too)

Next stop, we went to 乌来 for yet another day; relaxing amid natural hot spring resort. We skipped the common baths, we figured there was no point, since we get the same "hot spring water" in our room. The hotel was pretty okay, except that I can hear my neighbour's snoring, plus some idiot who is using the hot spring in the middle of the night. (You can hear the pumps and water pipes...) :(

The last few days we finally manage to visit some attractions. This is something we have not got a chance to do in the earlier locations. Presents / tidbits are so hard to buy, because there are just not unique or worth buying, plus they are not really cheap too.

On the whole, I did enjoy this trip. Although I was sick for most of the time, it was a good break mentally; though my colleagues felt that I looked worse than before I left. Also, it left a big dent on my wallet considering we could go Japan for that money, and definitely way more than joining a tour.

I have compiled a list of the "best and worst" of my trip for summation.
Best Buy - Wii (10350NT$)
Best Hotel - The Lalu
Best Snack - Taipei MRT, 甜不辣
Best Night Market - ShihLin
Best Mall - Dream Mall
Best Attraction - Taipei 101
Best Train - HSR Business
Worst Attraction - MaoKong at night
Worst Night Market - 六合, but it has some nice food.
Worst food - 铁蛋

Oh, the video doesn't allow me for Chinese input, so the names are loosely translated.